Meghan McChesney Gilroy
Conscious Mothering Support Group: First Gathering of Virtual Full Life Circle for Women who are Also Moms
- June 25, 2009
Last night we hosted our first Virtual Full Life Circle for Women who are also Moms. Before the group gathered via phone, I felt an excited energy building within me. I was so happy to find a way to share an expression of my passion for living from the heart that merged with my love of mothering. To top it all off, the group also supported other women and moms. A dream come true!
The women who appeared on the call were amazing (even if we don’t see ourselves in this light). We represented a wide range of experiences and held so much desire to both mother authentically and continue to discover our own path of caring for and nurturing our own dreams and purpose in life.
We had mamas of 5 month olds and mamas with 5 children, single moms and married moms. There were first time mamas and grandmammas - not to mention mamas of twins, toddlers, and teens (some of both little ones and grown adults). Our children were awake and babbling in the background, nursing, sleeping soundly, or out on their own with friends. Some of us have chosen to be stay at home moms, some of us work full time, and some of us go ½ and ½. Many of us are teachers, self-employed entrepreneurs, or a combo of both. We shared a love of dancing, yoga, and being outdoors. We are a diverse group and yet there was an instant unity amongst us.
As we shared our intent for ourselves and the group, I was struck by the themes that were echoed by all. We desire: a community of support and respect for whatever choices we make, time for ourselves to refill and rejuvenate, a sense of balance between mothering and expressing ourselves creatively or professionally, and ways to be more mindful of how we nurture our children. We spoke of feeling overwhelmed, feeling judged (or judging ourselves), feeling alone or without a strong support network. And despite its challenges, all of us seemed to share an overwhelming love of our children and of being a mom.
As we slipped into our meditation for the evening, we connected with our heart’s desire. We turned our attention inward to listen to the messages that came from our heart. These messages usually come in the form of a feeling or image. Sometimes it appears as what we do not want. And when we listen to the frustration or sadness or overwhelm, we can see beyond and underneath these emotions. These “uncomfortable” emotions are sending a flare from our inner knowingness, our intuition, our wise woman within to make an adjustment within our thoughts or actions that will better support ourselves and our dreams.
As we spoke what we most craved for our lives right now, I could feel how each of us touched and tasted the emotional quality we most wanted during our time in silence. And I know if we felt it even for a few moments together, then we can continue to find ways to manifest the qualities such as focus or connection to higher self or being more present throughout the next days and month even in the midst of our full lives.
My heart called for a clarity, certainty, and “knowingness” of how I wish to express myself in the outer world. I am so grateful that I have already found one way to do so and it is in the midst of a group of women who I am honored and delighted to spend time with. What joy!
Our group will remain open for the next few months for any woman who wishes to join. So with a very full heart I send this invitation out along with my many thanks for what has already appeared. Our next call is hosted by Meghan McChesney Gilroy of Life Mastery Programs on Wednesday, July 22nd from 8-9PM EST. Call 218-486-1600 and enter access code 920454.Please RSVP to Meghan@lifemasteryprograms.com
Conscious Relationships & Mindful Parenting: When The Mommy Well Runs Dry
- June 24, 2009
“This morning the Mommy Well ran dry,” my friend (let’s call her) Rebecca confided in me. “When Harry wouldn’t get ready for school this morning, I lost it. I started crying. I had just run out of patience and kindness. On top of everything else that’s been going on, I had a project due in a few hours. And then of course I felt guilty.”
Most of us don’t have a Harry - who’s been dealing with an ongoing illness that has yet to be diagnosed - but we certainly have our own set of challenges. And how often, as parents, have you felt the same?
Rebecca and I were finishing cleaning up from dinner. Our kids - ranging from 2 to 10 - were outside with our husbands. This meant there were 4 bikes careening around the corners of their house, one hyper dog joining in on the fun, and my toddler attempting to drive a toy tractor up a berm that also served as jump for the mountain bikes. Get the picture?
We drifted outside. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie (my husband) wheel around the side of the house, slide on the wet sidewalk and skid across the ground. He jumped up, checked to make sure he hadn’t torn his favorite shirt, and after assuring everyone he was fine, began chasing Bodhi.
Looking back, I see I made an instantaneous assessment of the situation just as I do when Bodhi falls down: if he gets up and runs off he’s fine. If he comes over to me crying, then we kiss the booboo and assess if anything else needs to be attended to.
A few minutes later, Jamie showed me (and Bodhi and everyone else) that his hand was bleeding. He and Rebecca went inside to get a band-aid and clean him up. Again, I thought little of this as Jamie has fallen off his bike thousands of times, including once off a 30′ cliff. (Yes, for real, check out his blog… obviously and thankfully he survived!) This was pretty minor in the scheme of things.
Yet when we were preparing to leave, I made a comment to the effect of, “My philosophy is if you take on the risk of mountain biking (which Jamie does regularly) and hurt yourself, you’ll get no sympathy from me.” Well the hooting began. Rebecca said, ‘Uh-oh! Someone’s Mommy Well is dry!”
As tempting as it is, I won’t try to justify my rationale on the mountain biking policy. Yet it did make me question, “Had I been kind, caring, and compassionate to Jamie when he hurt himself?” Underneath it all, I know I “read” the situation right. Jamie was just fine. But I could feel the lack of concern within myself toward Jamie go beyond knowing he was fine. I just didn’t have it in me to extend myself more than I had to him. And that didn’t feel like the loving and conscious relationship that I had signed up for.
Luckily we had scheduled a 24-hour Get out of Town/Child Free pass for me. I drove our MiniCooper up to Portsmouth, NH. Portsmouth is a very cool and artsy town, with a great downtown to stroll its shops, sit in the main square, or grab a bite to eat. I’d like to say that’s what I did. The truth was, I checked into a Courtyard (thanks Rose!) and spent the next 24 hours sleeping, reading a GREAT book (The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by our friend Katherine Howe), soaking in the hot tub, ordering room service, and watching a chic flick. It was heavenly and just what I needed.
When I came home on Sunday, Bodhi came flying up to hug me. I caught a glimpse of Jamie disappearing inside as soon as he knew I was with Bodhi. Once I caught up with him, I could feel his energy. As much as he loved spending time with Bo, he seemed a little battered. His energy was drawn inward. He was focused on taking care of his to do list instead of interacting with me.
I saw myself in him and realized that this is often how I am when he comes home. Yet with my Mommy Well replenished, I was able to extend myself to him. We quickly reconnected and were back to our more loving and mindful selves.
Seeing Jamie’s state of being gave me more compassion for myself (and everyone else who has children and full life.) And it served as another validation on how important it is to keep the Mommy Well full - not just for myself, but for my relationship with my husband, my child, and everyone around me.
So how do you know when your Mommy Well has run dry?
What do you do to keep your Mommy Well from dropping to dangerously low levels?
And how do you replenish?
Mindful Parenting: Reflections on Po Bronson’s “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The inverse power of praise”
- June 17, 2009
I love articles that make me re-think how I am parenting. “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The inverse power of praise” by Po Bronson in New York Magazine is one of them. (Thanks Kira for passing it along!)
In it, Po shares how we can most effectively praise our children. Surprisingly, the way most of us tend to cheer our children on may not result in the self-esteem boost or encouragement we intend. In fact - it might just do the opposite: cause our kids to put in less effort with less results.
I highly recommend reading his article for the details… The short version is: sincere, specific praise on a child’s effort has been proven to be more successful on praising a child on their smarts. In other words, “Good job! I’m proud of you.” and “Aren’t you smart!” just don’t cut it.
I know for myself that when I chirp out “Good job!” without really paying attention to what Bodhi is doing or showing me, it certainly feels hollow. Since he’s a perceptive critter, I know on some level this must also be true for him. So when I take the time to remember what I want to foster in and with Bodhi - connection, creativity, curiosity, inner confidence - and match my praise to my intent, it feels genuine and I see him light up more than when I dole out mindless kudos.
As I was contemplating how to help myself give up my automatic way of praising him (the comments that fall into the “Great job, good work!” category) and move toward the sincere, specific praise on effort category, I remembered the guidelines we used to use when I taught at Inner-City Arts (an amazing non-profit art center for inner-city children in LA).
Instead of telling a child, “I like your drawing,” we would both ask questions and point out what we specifically noticed without giving an opinion. For example, I might say, “I’ve never seen that color before. It looks like you invented a brand new color. What name could you make up for that?” or “I noticed that you used several different shapes in your picture - a triangle, circle, and rectangle.” Or simply, “Tell me more about what you made.”
When we shift to truly paying attention and engaging a child in this way, we are showing that we care. We are inherently praising them without telling them that their work is “good” or “bad.” We are allowing them to determine what works for them creatively, allowing their self-expression to be sufficient in itself, instead of in relation to what the outside world thinks. We’re modeling curiosity. We are letting them develop their ability to communicate about their process. And we were matching our mission at the Center - encouraging connection, creativity, curiosity, inner confidence (as well as language development and a host of others) - that mirror my wishes for Bodhi.
So I’ve developed these guidelines to help me reduce my dependency on the easy praise and increase my usage of the more meaningful ones:
1. Remember my intent: mindfully parenting to foster connection, creativity, curiosity, inner confidence
2. When I catch myself saying, “Good job!” add on a more specific comment at the end.
3. When I notice another adult giving non-specific praise, asking myself to (silently!) come up with a way I could sincerely and specifically praise the child’s effort. (This is a way of practicing for myself - not a way to judge other people.)
4. Stockpiling a few phrases to get me started that focus on effort such as, “I see you really concentrating. That took some (effort/patience/creativity) and you stuck with it. You really listened carefully. I appreciate that you keep trying.”
5. Paying attention and slowing down. If Bodhi calls out “Look at me!” on the playground, I really do look.
6. Using the phase “I am noticing…” or “I see…” followed by a neutral description of his actions. For example, “I see you balancing by carefully placing one foot in front of another.”
7. Asking more questions to Bo: “What are you feeling? Thinking? Noticing?”
At the end of the article, Po writes about his need to praise his child. As anxious modern parents, we want to do the best for our children and often don’t know how. He writes that he has shifted the way he praises his son and yet, “I recognized that praising him with the universal “You’re great-I’m proud of you” was a way I expressed unconditional love… [W]e want them to hear, We are in your corner, we are here for you, we believe in you.”
Perhaps the answer to the dilemma lies in us putting our unconditional love into words: remembering to tell our children that we are in their corner and we are here for them when they’ve done nothing at all or at random moments - just because we do and we can. Then we can also work on shifting our praise to be more conscious, and more effective, and create good vibes for both ourselves and our kids.
Test it out and let me know what you think!
A Spiritual Conspiracy
- June 05, 2009
Are you a part of the spiritual conspiracy? Do you feel an inner revolution taking place? Have you been working with the Central Spiritual Intelligence agency?
We are now recruiting… Perhaps you will join us - or already have.
A SPIRITUAL CONSPIRACY
On the surface of the world right now there is
war and violence and things seem dark.
But calmly and quietly, at the same time,
something else is happening underground
An inner revolution is taking place
and certain individuals are being called to a higher light.
It is a silent revolution.
From the inside out. From the ground up.
This is a Global operation.
A Spiritual Conspiracy.
There are sleeper cells in every nation on the planet.
You wont see us on the T.V.
You wont read about us in the newspaper
You wont hear about us on the radio
We dont seek any glory
We dont wear any uniform
We come in all shapes and sizes, colors and styles
Most of us work anonymously
We are quietly working behind the scenes
in every country and culture of the world
Cities big and small, mountains and valleys,
in farms and villages, tribes and remote islands
You could pass by one of us on the street
and not even notice
We go undercover
We remain behind the scenes
It is of no concern to us who takes the final credit
But simply that the work gets done
Occasionally we spot each other in the street
We give a quiet nod and continue on our way
During the day many of us pretend we have normal jobs
But behind the false storefront at night
is where the real work takes a place
Some call us the Conscious Army
We are slowly creating a new world
with the power of our minds and hearts
We follow, with passion and joy
Our orders come from from the Central Spiritual Intelligence
We are dropping soft, secret love bombs when no one is looking
Poems ~ Hugs ~ Music ~ Photography ~ Movies ~ Kind words ~
Smiles ~ Meditation and prayer ~ Dance ~ Social activism ~ Websites
Blogs ~ Random acts of kindness…
We each express ourselves in our own unique ways
with our own unique gifts and talents
Be the change you want to see in the world
That is the motto that fills our hearts
We know it is the only way real transformation takes place
We know that quietly and humbly we have the
power of all the oceans combined
Our work is slow and meticulous
Like the formation of mountains
It is not even visible at first glance
And yet with it entire tectonic plates
shall be moved in the centuries to come
Love is the new religion of the 21st century
You dont have to be a highly educated person
Or have any exceptional knowledge to understand it
It comes from the intelligence of the heart
Embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse of all human beings
Be the change you want to see in the world
Nobody else can do it for you
We are now recruiting
Perhaps you will join us
Or already have.
All are welcome
The door is open
Poem by an Unknown Author
Many thanks to the amazing life coach, Allison Arneill of www.blissbound.com, for clueing us in on the spiritual conspiracy!
Mindful Parenting: Discovering the Consequences of Your Actions
- June 04, 2009
Bodhi and I learned an important life lesson today: eating raw bread dough makes your belly feel not so good. The corollary lessons? Eating raw dough can cause you to throw up, make a mess in the car, and prevent you from playing outside because you now need to change your clothes. Oh, and it means the adult gets to spend an hour cleaning it all up. (But boy, my car - and his carseat - are now clean!)
And if you’d like a true confession? Secretly I’d been hoping this would happen.
Every Thursday, Bodhi and I go to school (a Mommy-and-Me kind of class) and one of the activities is making bread. We sing as sweet little song as we do so, “We mix the dough, we knead the dough, we let it rise…” While all the other children (girls!), mix and knead and roll, Bodhi eats the raw dough.
I have tried many tactics to dissuade him of this habit: I’ve focused more energy on the times he does shape the dough, we’ve talked about how yummy the bread is once it’s baked, I’ve taken away the raw dough, I’ve ignored the raw dough eating, the teacher has tried distracting him with more flour. And of course I have pointed out that too much raw dough isn’t good for your belly.
As you can guess, Bodhi eats the raw dough. And for most of the year, there was no problem with the belly/no other real consequences. When I reported Bodhi’s raw dough eating habits to Jamie, he not-so-helpfully grinned and pointed out that it must be genetic. Apparently he has a love of eating raw dough that stems from his days as a baker. Hmmm. Never knew that about you honey. Thankfully Bodhi has never seen him do so, so at least that eliminates the imitation rationalization.
Until this Thursday, I had decided to let it go. This wasn’t a battle worth picking. And I reminded myself every time my jaw clenched as Bodhi popped another piece into his mouth, that I am a big believer in allowing children to discover the results of their choices themselves (within the strong boundaries of what is safe and age-appropriate). Jamie and I like to say (as one of our tenets of Mindful Parenting ), let children make their own choices, even if it’s not the choice we would make, until it is evident that they cannot make a good choice for themselves.
All of this set in motion the mess of the day - and the learning experience. As you probably know, most of us learn best from experience. We can be told the consequences of our actions and have some intellectual understanding (this is called knowledge) or we can experience the consequences of our actions and then absorb the learning on a physical, emotional, spiritual and/or mental level (this is called wisdom). Bodhi now has the building blocks needed to make the connection between eating too much raw dough and not feeling so good. We’ve talked this through and re-enacted what happens with his puppets to reinforce the wisdom.
Of course I never wanted Bodhi to have to experience vomiting to gather wisdom. But I do think giving him the freedom to discover how his body responds to his choices supports his unique path of self-discovery in life and will ultimately help him care for himself better than me telling him what does or doesn’t work according to my unique experiences.
In addition to Bodhi’s life lesson, I’ve gained the wisdom to be a more conscious parent. I see that this is a situation where I will need to step in to make a better choice for him if Bodhi doesn’t modify his actions. I “suffered” the natural consequences (having to clean it up!) of allowing him to eat the dough as well. Now let’s see what happens at school next Thursday.
Mindful Parenting: Long-term goals vs. Daily Interactions with Children – the Case of Chamomile Tea & Oatmeal
- May 29, 2009
Do oatmeal and chamomile tea go together? A seemingly simple question…with some complexity when it comes to mealtime with a toddler and indicative of a challenge that all of us parents have faced. Let me explain.
When it comes to the big-picture, Jamie and I have a few long-term “goals” for our children, for Bodhi (age 2): to be creative, curious about the world, authentic, caring and considerate towards others. We’d like him to be able to think and speak for himself and express his emotions freely (just to name a few). Our desire is the same for our teenager Nick (age 18). Perhaps these are qualities that many of us would like for our children, or even ourselves.
Yet when it comes to fostering these overall qualities during the moment to moment interactions that we have with our children (or ourselves), it can be a challenge to make them “match.” How can we hold our intent regarding the big picture in the midst of making decisions with a toddler or young child on dressing, sleeping, eating, or playing with others? Or on the amount of freedom and responsibility a teenager has?
Case in point: Yesterday I made Bodhi oatmeal - and chamomile tea. The oatmeal went into a bowl and the tea into a cup. I then poured some almond milk onto the oatmeal to cool it down, and also to add some flavor. I then handed Bodhi the container of cinnamon, which he would happily pour on everything if given the chance.
Bodhi plowed into his oatmeal. Then he picked up his tea and began to dump it into the oatmeal. Jamie asked him not to do this. We’ve been discouraging Bodhi from dumping his drinks out (onto tables, the floor, the bowl filled with goldfish crackers). Bodhi proceeded to dump the tea into the bowl and dig in. Jamie took the bowl away, Bodhi howled in protest. Suddenly the kitchen was filled with tension. Maybe you’ve encountered similar situations??
As I stepped back to assess my reaction, I had to question, is it a problem to pour chamomile tea into oatmeal? After all, Bodhi had just witnessed me pouring almond milk into his oatmeal. Liquid onto solid food. The oatmeal and the tea end up in the same place - his belly. And the two were presented as food that you eat together - cereal and tea, yummy. Bodhi was fully prepared to eat his concoction. And in the larger scheme of things, it shows creativity and curiosity (what do these two foods taste like together?) two of the qualities we’d like to foster.
So the real “problem” is our (the adults’) beliefs: chamomile tea and oatmeal are fine to eat at the same time out of separate dishes, but not mixed in one bowl. Isn’t our conditioning of how the world is supposed to be amazing? It affects so much - right down to our breakfast choices.
And perhaps the challenge goes a little deeper. When a teen or a toddler defies what we say, we can become irritated, feel powerless, or want to make them “face the consequence,” i.e. be punished. From my experience, this is an automatic reaction, ingrained in us from when we were children. Our desire to control our children often prevents us from being able to see the bigger picture and make our intent and our actions “match.” In order to parent with awareness, we need the ability to step back and look at our choices and the reasoning behind them from a fresh perspective.
Being mindful of how we parent certainly isn’t the easy route. Mindful Parenting involves questioning what we are doing, thinking, saying and feeling - and questioning why we make the choices we do. Conscious parenting asks us to be more creative, have more patience, and be more considerate of our children’s needs and points of view. In short, it asks us to be and do what we are wanting and asking of our children.
So after comforting Bodhi and giving him some more oatmeal, he asked for some pepper on his oatmeal. And I thought, “Why not?” Given his propensity to pour spices on food that doesn’t “match” in my mind (cinnamon on pasta?), he might just delightfully surprise me one day when he cooks us an inventive and delicious meal. Until then, I’ll be navigating how to encourage his creativity while maintaining a modicum of sanity and order in our world.
Mindful Mothering Class via phone: Virtual Full Life Circle for Women who are also Moms Forming
- May 26, 2009
From Allison Arneill, Life Coach at www.blissbound.com
You are in for a REAL TREAT, because Meghan McChesney Gilroy, Master Teacher, Author and Co-Founder of Life Mastery Programs, has volunteered to lead and facilitate a Virtual Circle for Women who are also Moms via Phone! She is a very good friend of mine from Marblehead and an amazing, wise, creative and powerful woman, mom, wife, friend, businesswoman, artist, etc. She is a natural-born facilitator and teacher on the topic of mindful and conscious parenting, AND living a life of balance/harmony, passion and purpose while doing it.
Please see below for the description of this group and how to join. Because Meghan’s life is so full, and because she is a professional in the personal growth field, I highly recommended that she ask for an abundance exchange for taking on these leadership responsibilities. Therefore, we are asking for a suggested donation (see below) which is truly the bargain of the century.
Please forward this to other women who are moms who could benefit from a group like this.
Lots of love to all,
Allison
Mindful Mothering Teleclass: a Mindful Mothering Class via Phone
Virtual Full Life Circle For Women who are also Moms - from Meghan
If you are reading this, then my guess is that your life is like mine - very FULL… full of a little one who hits the ground running before the sun is up and creative endeavors, full of balancing a beloved husband and a business (or perhaps a balancing act), full of a deep yearning for moments just for myself and for connection to other like-minded and like-hearted women who also happen to be mothers.
Can you relate? (If not, pass it on to someone in your life who might!)
If you are a woman who is also:
- a partner, friend, daughter, sister, and/or boss/employee/making-a-go-of-it on your own/staying at home kind of momma and
- discovering/uncovering your purpose and passion in life, then
I invite you to join me in chartering a Full Life Circle - for Women who are also Moms (And yes, I know there are days when it feels like all purpose and passion have vanished from a sleep-deprived daze).
In our supportive circle which meets via phone once/month for one hour, we explore:
- How do we REFILL, REJUVENATE, & REJOICE our inner-most self and our dreams so that we can extend ourselves into the roles we play?
- How can we connect to what is IMPORTANT and FULFILLING to us so we can share these qualities with those around us?
- How can we be more MINDFUL and CONSCIOUS of what we think and feel and how we use our energy as we interact with our world?
During our calls, we:
- Make time for silence to hear our hearts (and heads)
- BREATHE!! Laugh, cry, cheer…
- Are inspired to step back and look at our ourselves and our lives anew with relevant and insightful questions
- Share our joys and challenges
- Hold space for one another as we navigate our full lives
Our Full Life Circle is a co-creation among the participants and facilitated by Meghan McChesney Gilroy (see below). We welcome your stories, questions, challenges, ideas, and comments on how we can best support ourselves and the multi-faceted nature of our lives.
If you are interested in joining our circle, email Meghan at Meghan@lifemasteryprograms.com. Feel free to include why you’re inspired to join and/or what your current challenges are. Please pass along this invitation!
The first call is FREE. First call, Wednesday, June 24th, 8-9PM. All subsequent calls will be by donation (suggested $8-15, more if you can, less if you can’t). We also ask that you make a 6 month commitment after the first call. The commitment is primarily to ourselves - to do the best we can to make the time and space in our lives to nurture ourselves via the circle, and secondarily to each other as a vibrant community. We intend to begin in June with a minimum of 10 women.
When not groggy from a lack of sleep, Meghan McChesney Gilroy loves writing and teaching on how we can bring more awareness to ourselves, our relationships, and our parenting. Meghan shares her wisdom and passion as a Master Teacher and co-founder of www.lifemasteryprograms.com. Check out her blog for a flavor of her humor and warmth at http://www.lifemasteryprograms.com/author/meghan-gilroy/
Special thanks to Allison Byers Arneill who initiated this circle. Check out her awesomeness at www.blissbound.com.
What is Mindful Parenting? (Part 2) Being in the Moment
- May 24, 2009
How many times has a phrase escaped from your lips as you admonish your child that sounded just like your mom or dad?
How many times have I told you to stop? If you don’t stop your bickering, I am going to stop this car. For the last time…
Just like we try to be the best parents we can with what we know, our parents and childhood authority figures did the same. What amazes me about uttering a retort that was passed down to me, doesn’t have to do with what I am saying. What surprises me most is how quickly and automatically these childhood admonishments pop out - some of which I haven’t heard or thought about in years.
The reason we can recall the reprimands that we heard as a child so instantly is because our minds were programmed by our parents, as well as society around us. Like the code of a computer, our minds were programmed with beliefs: how we think the world should operate, what is right, wrong, good, or bad; what is safe or dangerous, polite or rude. Being conditioned was a necessary part of growing up. It helped keep us out of harm’s way and explained how to make sense of navigating the world.
Yet as adults, and especially as parents, relying on the information stored in our minds does not always help us accomplish what our heart desires for ourselves and our children (Read “What is Mindful Parenting? Part 1 Tapping into Your Heart’s Desire.“) Our mind relies on what it knows from the past or can project into the future. Yet our hearts are connected to deep-seated wisdom, found within our bodies in the form of intuition and emotion (and from my experience to life force itself).
Anytime I catch myself being caught up in my mind - it could be when I utter one of those reprimands, or when I realize I’ve hardly noticed Bodhi’s beaming smile as I’m mentally reviewing what projects I still need to get done - I challenge myself to come back to the present moment, to return to my heart. I stop and breathe. I pay attention to what is going on around me - the sound of Bodhi’s laughter, the smell of his freshly washed hair, the taste of the meal I am cooking for him, the feel of his hand tugging mine.
As I come back into my body, back into awareness, I feel myself embodying my heart’s desire: to be balanced, centered, connected, content. I become myself right now instead of some pre-programmed response from my past. I open to the infinite possibilities of this moment, this day, this child.
And I become grateful. Grateful for all the lessons my parents passed onto me, and grateful for all the wisdom I am mindfully passing on to my child. Won’t you join me in reconnecting to your heart and returning to the magical moment of now?
What is Mindful Parenting? (Part 1) Tapping into Your Heart’s Desire
- May 14, 2009
Like so many of us, I want to be the best parent I can be. One of the ways I do so is through being mindful of how I am parenting my son Bodhi. When I am aware of what I am thinking and feeling within myself, as well as what I am saying and doing while interacting with him, then I have the choice to create loving interactions. Being conscious also gives me the power to modify when I fall short of my intent. And like all parents, there are certainly days when I do!
Ironically, I begin being mindful by setting aside my mind and tapping into my heart. Through my spiritual practice, I have connected to what my heart desires. Our hearts don’t speak the language of words (that’s the mind’s job); they speak the language of emotion. So our heart’s desire is the prevalent emotional quality that we want present in our lives. For me, the feeling I enjoy most is a sensation of peaceful centeredness. A sense of balance and connectedness. Playfulness and contented joy.
I know from experience that I can only share this emotional energy with my world when I am able to create this feeling for myself. I can’t give what I don’t have. Of course I don’t live in this state all the time. I can be challenged by what my mind believes instead of what my heart feels. I have a long to do list that pulls my time and attention in multiple directions. And I have an active toddler who loves to stick his foot in our dog’s water dish as we are walking out the door.
Yet when I remember to make time to take care of myself so I feel balanced, then I can more fluidly create that balance around me. When I remember that my heart desires peace during a busy day, I can sink back into the moment. When I recall that I want to share my love of feeling connected with Bodhi even when he is throwing a tantrum, then I can draw on my creativity to find a solution that brings us both back into alignment with the feeling state I value.
So what emotional quality does your heart most desire for yourself? For your family? Every heart has its own song. Perhaps you already know what feeling is your top priority. If not, I suggest finding a few moments (and I know that can be a challenge!) and sit quietly. Take several deep breaths into your heart. Ask yourself, “What feeling or quality do I most yearn for in my life?”
Then listen. The answer may come as a sensation or image. Or you might hear a word bubble up into your consciousness from a voice from deep inside. Initially you may also hear what you don’t want. Do you best to be open to your heart’s response. Often our minds will immediately kick in with its list of reasons why your heart’s desire simply isn’t possible. Thank your mind and breathe back into your heart. Listen some more. Repeat as necessary.
Since I discovered my heart’s desire, I have an internal guidance system that allows me to cut through chaos and confusion - whether it’s coming at me externally from a wound-up 2-year old or from within myself in the form of not knowing “How do I deal with that?” When I ask my heart, “What would peace do?” I unearth all sorts of solutions from a space within that feels larger than myself. In this space, I am connected to my own intuition and wisdom, I am in the moment, and I am not relying solely on my mind’s preconceived ways of navigating this world. Whether I come up with an answer that solves the challenge or not, I have at least connected back to my center. And isn’t that what my heart desired in the first place?
As I mindfully parent Bodhi using both my head and my heart, I know I am modeling balance and emotional awareness. I am connecting to myself in delightful new ways and I am delighting in connecting to him anew. And I am bathing him in the emotional energy of love in action, no matter what appears in each moment.
Love in a Time of Uncertainty: Personal Growth Teleclass
- April 29, 2009
It’s easy to love when the times are good. Yet when the times are hard, we give ourselves the greatest opportunity to remember who we truly are and what we truly love.
In these challenging times, so many people we speak with are struggling with very real issues in their lives. A friend of ours, whose life’s ambition was to accumulate enough savings to have a secure retirement, lost the majority of his efforts in the recent financial crises. Yet he is happier and more at peace than ever. How?
He raised his Love Quotient. He fell in love with an incredible woman, but more importantly he is finally living the life he loves - meditating, sharing himself with friends through his presence and art, and working when he has the opportunity to do so.
What challenges are you facing? Perhaps it’s the loss of income, additional stress within personal relationships, health issues, or just an overwhelming sense of uncertainty? How can you raise your Love Quotient, like our friend did?
We started by tapping into what our heart desires. What is calling your attention right now? What is annoying you? frustrating you? pleasing you?
After spending taking an extended motorcycle trip, Jamie’s passion for the freedom he feels when riding a motorcycle kindled his desire to ride more - and to buy a bike that was more comfortable for long journeys. Like many of us, we’ve been paying close attention to our budget. So how could we make this happen? Jamie got creative. He worked his magic to find a great deal. And even though his new bike cost more than his old one, he added money back into our budget over the long run. We’ll share how on our first teleclass.
Jamie’s Motorcycle Caper is another great example of raising your Love Quotient. He connected to a feeling that he loves - freedom. He made it a priority to take care of himself mentally by spending time riding, which increases his energy. Then he found a practical way to make it work on all levels - spiritually, financially, mentally, emotionally. He didn’t let his doubts or fears about the economy stop him from doing what he loves.
You can experience the same!
Join us as we share our insights on how to free yourself from the daily grind, renew your energy, and find true peace of mind. Our teleclass will explore how we can let go of habits, beliefs, and energies that no longer serve us, while creatively, authentically, and practically connecting to what our heart’s most desire for our lives.
We welcome your challenges, your stories, and your revelations as we come together in community to support what is emerging within each of us and throughout this planet at this time.
Love in a Time of Uncertainty Teleclass Series
With Jamie Gilroy & Meghan McChesney Gilroy
Thursdays, May 7, 14, 21, 28, 8-9pm EST
Cost: $35 for series, 1st class is open and free for anyone who would like to join us
Please RSVP to: Meghan at meghan@lifemasteryprograms.com or call 781.631.1881
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