Meghan McChesney Gilroy
The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz & don Jose Ruiz: Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen
- December 30, 2009
When I first heard The Fifth Agreement: Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen, my reaction was, “Really? That’s The Fifth Agreement?” I felt skeptical, but willing to listen.
What I will now share with you is my interpretation of don Miguel Ruiz’s interpretation of the truth – which is perhaps the main and underlying topic of the entire book of Toltec Wisdom.
Don Miguel states that life’s creation is the truth. Objects of our perception are the truth. Our interpretation of them is a reflection of the truth. A chair just is. The image of light that is reflected off the chair and perceived through our eyes and brain is a reflection of the chair, of the truth. We then make an interpretation, we use language to assign it a name “chair” and then we might also attach our opinions about the chair. It’s a beautiful or ugly chair, a big or small chair.
Of course in the example of the chair, this may have minimal impact on our lives. Yet when we multiply our interpretations across every object and concept, when we apply interpretations of right, wrong, good, or bad to ourselves, to others, to religions, to nations, you can imagine the amount of distortion that we humans create. Especially if we believe that the way we see the chair (or ourselves or others) is the right way, the only way, or the same way as everyone else.
So that brings us to Be skeptical. We can use the power of doubt to learn to look beyond the way our mind, our program, or our domestication has instructed us to interpret the world. We no longer need to believe that our thoughts and stories are true. When we judge ourselves, when we criticize the way we look, when we feel we fall short of the way we “should” be, we can choose not to believe our interpretations.
Instead we can turn inward to our authentic hearts. We can challenge ourselves to see beyond our mind and its ability to name and categorize everything to the essence of ourselves. We can learn to connect to the force of Life itself and perceive our connection to it and to all living creatures. Can you imagine the freedom that can bring?
Which brings us to Learn to Listen. As we learn to see our intrepretation of life as a virtual reality, a reflection of the truth, we can learn to listen, to hunt for the meaning behind the words. Is it true what we hear within our heads? Is it true what others say about us? We can learn to listen to what is true for ourselves, to listen to our hearts. When we understand that each of us are using symbols – language – to express ourselves. We can be skeptical of the words but willing to listen. We might just connect to ourselves and to each other in a way transcends the words. Can you imagine the possibilities?
Each of us is an artist. How do we want to express our perceptions? How do we want to interpret our experiences in life? We can choose to express ourselves in ways that make us sad and bring suffering, or we can choose to express ourselves in ways that make us happy and bring us pleasure. We are here to enjoy life. Why not make it a work of art?
Ultimately, our presence is the message. What message are you delivering? What message do you share with yourself and those around you? With awareness, you have the freedom to be the real you. You have the power to make your life hell or a work of heavenly art.
I have practiced being skeptical and listening for many years now. Each day when I awake, I do my best to create a living work of art. I turn inward daily to connect to my heart, my true nature, my connection to all of Life. I am so grateful for don Miguel, who opened my eyes to the truth, and who has the courage and eloquence to craft into words an energy and experience that is truly indescribable. He is a true artist and an inspiration. I invite you to join him, to join me, in the journey of letting go of your interpretations and experiencing pure perception, of finding ways to express your interpretation authentically.
Don Miguel closes The Fifth Agreement by asking us to help change the world. Each of us lives within our own world, within the perceptions and interpretations within our minds, within our own unique physical body. When we take responsibility for living our life as a great work of art, with great joy and happiness, we can change the greater world as our happiness, peace and joy radiate out from us. Won’t you join us?
Buy The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery
… For those of you who have not had the pleasure (or need a refresher) of the first Four Agreements, here they are, which a little glimpse of don Miguel’s new twist in The Fifth Agreement:
- Be Impeccable with Your Word: The Story of You
- Don’t Take Anything Personally: Every Mind if a World
- Don’t Make Assumptions: Truth or Fiction
- Always Do Your Best: Practice Makes the Master
From the book The Fifth Agreement © 2010, don Miguel Ruiz, Don Jose Ruiz, Janet Mills. Reprinted by permission of Amber-Allen Publishing, Inc. P.O. Box 6657, San Rafael, CA 94903. All rights reserved.
What is The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz?
- December 29, 2009
What is The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz?
Be Skeptical, But Learn to Listen.
The Fifth Agreement, don Miguel Ruiz
Learn more about The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz.
Buy The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery
The Charles Schultz Philosophy
- December 29, 2009
My brother-in-law Roger sent this to me. I found it to be a wise reminder of what is truly important in life. Enjoy!
The Charlie Schultz Philosophy
Scroll through slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect…
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip.
You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them.
Just read straight through, and you’ll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the head liners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies..
Awards tarnish…
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials… the most money…or the most awards.
They simply are the ones who care the most.
How will you show that you care today??
”Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!”
How to THRIVE during the Holidays: 8 Tips for (Mental) Health & Happiness
- November 23, 2009
Thanksgiving. Christmas. Hanukkah. November through December.
What do those words trigger in you?
My guess is some combination of stress and joy, dread and delight. For many years, I loved the excitement of December only to collapse come January. Gatherings with friends and family was both fun – and often left me feeling rundown. I enjoyed buying, wrapping, even making cards and presents only to find myself staying up too late and spending beyond my budget. Sound familiar?
So how can we approach the holidays with awareness? How can we not just survive, but THRIVE during the festivities?Here’s a few tips, I’ve gleaned over the years:
1. What does your heart desire this holiday season? Take a few minutes to pause, close your eyes, and check in with the emotional quality that you’d like to foster throughout this month. Perhaps it’s joy, goodwill, creativity, or connecting with family. Allow the sensation to wash over you. Take a snapshot of what this feels like. Write down your intent for these next 30 days and post it where you can see it. Then look at it daily.
2. Peace on Earth starts with peace within you. Can you spare 5 minutes? 5 breaths? Make time each day, even if it’s only for a few minutes to foster the feeling your heart desires. Everyone around you will thank you for your good vibes. Most of all you’ll feel good!
3. Remember others in need. When we extend beyond our own preoccupations, whether it’s how much money we have (or don’t have) or how much time we have (or don’t have) to complete our to do list, we can gain perspective. Gratitude for what we do have is a great present to ourselves. Volunteer if you have time. Donate to a worthy cause if you have money. When we reach out to others, we foster a sense of connection. T’is the season to give what we can – and not just to our immediate families and friends.
4. Presents & cards. How could you give presents/send cards in a way that feels good to you? I don’t like malls, so I walk around town and shop at our local stores, buy online, or make presents. I used to make elaborate one-of-a-kind cards and gifts, then I had a baby – and realized that stressing out over lovingly crafted handmade gifts wasn’t so heart-centered after all. Play with what feels right. If you are feeling stressed over gifts or cards, it’s your body’s way of saying, “Is there another more pleasurable way to do this?”
5. Visit an alien planet. At some point this month, I’ll bet you have an obligation to entertain or interact with people that can push your buttons. Could be when you’re visiting family, going to an office holiday party, or connecting with your husband’s/wife’s/other friends. Pretend like you are a visitor on an alien planet. Instead of taking their customs personally (no matter how bizarre they might be), simply notice how they live, what they like/dislike, how they communicate with a sense of curiosity. Oh, so that’s how they ____ here! And don’t forget to thank god that you’ll be travelling home soon.
6. How good does it really feel to be completely stuffed after a holiday meal? In my experience, not so good. When a table laden with delicious food appears in front of us, we are tempted to eat more than normal. Why do that to your body? Eat in moderation. Save some for leftovers. Take pleasure if what you do put in your mouth. Enjoy (just not too much!)
7. Think back to your favorite holiday memories. Are they about gifts you received or a special tradition or time with your family? My strongest holiday memory is tied to my grandmother making cookies. How can you spend quality time with your family, your self, or your friends? Last year, one of my students realized that they couldn’t afford their typical tons of presents under the tree. So instead of asking her children to write a “what we want for Christmas” list, she asked them to write a “what we’d like to do as a family list.” The kids asked for sledding, making hot chocolate and cookies, and decorating the house to the nines. She turned a potential “lack” into an “abundance.” Her family had their favorite Christmas ever.
8. What gift can you give yourself? What would be the best gift you could possibly give to yourself this year? Could you splurge on taking extra good care of yourself by taking more baths, getting a massage, or spending time meditating? How about splurging on a gift that you normally wouldn’t treat yourself to? This holiday, invite yourself to take care of YOU in whatever way feels right to your heart. If each of us takes responsibility for how we are feeling this year, what energy we contribute through our thoughts, words, emotions, and actions, and how much love we spread around, it will be a very merry holiday indeed.
Happy Holidays! May the light that you are shine brightly!
Mindful Parenting: 2nd Generation Pre-school Drop-out
- November 09, 2009
I am proud the proud parent of a 2nd generation pre-school drop-out. This Fall, we enrolled Bodhi in a local Montessori School. We dutifully prepared: attending new parent night, ironing nametags in clothes, talking to Bodhi about his new school and new routines.
I fully expected Bodhi to take to pre-school like a duck to water. On our observation visit, Bodhi ran down the hall into a classroom and immediately begun playing with the toys. He happily joined in at snacktime (apparently children don’t usually eat if they are uncomfortable). Within minutes, the director commented, “Oh yeah, he’s ready.”
The school resonated with us on many levels – the conscious Montessori philosophy that reflected our own, the kind and caring teachers, the many stimulating activities that Bodhi dove right into. We felt comfortable knowing that one of his friends was in the same class. Given Bodhi’s inquisitiveness and high energy, we thought Montessori might be a better fit than other schools that we considered. We wanted to try the Montessori way out in the toddler program, since we didn’t think we’d want to send him to a 5-day a week preschool next year (which was the only option at this school).
As you may have gleaned from these blogs, Bodhi is typically precocious, outgoing, and confident. He hardly glances up when I leave him with his nanny, grandmother, or babysitter. He’s used to being dropped off at relatives’ houses. He spends several mornings a week with his nanny out and about in the world. I figured pre-school would be an organic next step. Boy, was I wrong.
The school had a gentle transition policy – parents can stay for as many days as it takes to acclimate the child. I liked this gentle approach. So I was quite surprised when he burst into tears when I said I was leaving after a successful first few days. I chalked it up to a normal transition, recalling a few times that he’s cried for a few minutes when I’ve walked out the door. When his teacher reported that he continued to cry for almost an hour, I was really baffled. While he expresses emotion readily, it usually passes like a thunderstorm.
Each time we went to school or talked about school, Bodhi would ask if I would be leaving him there. He often started crying – which was the first time I observed him crying about an event that was about to happen in the future (as opposed to crying because of being hurt or angry in the moment). He was swatting at me, which he had never done before and generally seemed out of sorts. His nanny told me he seemed more aggressive with other children on the playground and when asked about school, he wouldn’t answer when he normally chats about any activity he loves non-stop. What really caught my attention, was that he no longer wanted me to leave him with his nanny, grandmother, or babysitter – all of whom he adores.
As I sat with all I was observing in Bodhi, I was struck that he not only wasn’t being his “normal” self when I tried to drop him off (which I somewhat expected) but he also wasn’t being his “normal” self in all the other aspects of our life either. My mind lobbed reasons why it made sense to keep him in school. Yet my heart kept whispering its doubts. The more I listened to what I was sensing and feeling, the more I had to align with my intuition.
Given all the changes in Bodhi, I realized that he wasn’t ready for a drop-off school. He was communicating this in the best way he knew how – through his emotion and his change in behavior – not to mention he verbalized not wanting to go the best he could. I questioned whether I should “push” him through the transition, knowing that if we stuck at it, he would eventually adjust. Then I caught myself. We didn’t need to have Bodhi in school, we had other childcare options. He’d be in school for the rest of his life. Why push, when we’ve been so conscious about being gentle and nurturing from his first day of life?
When I took another step back, I witnessed all the recent changes in his life that coincided with him going to school. Being in school 2 days a week meant that he was away from me one less morning and away from him nanny one less morning. It also meant that he no longer could play with his best buddy since they were on an opposite day of the week school schedule. His “Manny” and “Mammy” (Rita & Ed), who were like an additional set of grandparents, just moved to California. And he was now hanging out with a large group of children for multiple hours in a row, when he’s normally not in a large group or class for more than 30 minutes to an hour. Added up, that’s a whole lot of change for a 2 ½ year old.
As I communicated my concerns to the school, they were generally very supportive of making it easier for Bodhi. Yet I also sensed an underlying attitude that I was the one who wasn’t ready to let him go through this discomfort. When they suggested sending him to school 3-days a week instead of just 2, every cell in my body said “no.” While I understood that a 3-day a week plan would be more consistent (and would have made sense if I was truly committed to having Bodhi go to school), I knew in my heart that this wasn’t the solution for Bodhi. Without being able to fully articulate why, it simply didn’t feel right to keep sending him to school. So I withdrew him from pre-school.
We went to school one more time to say goodbye to his teachers and to his guinea pig friend. I thanked the teachers and director profusely – they really had done their best to make Bodhi’s school experience as comfortable and enriching as possible. As we waved goodbye and I told Bodhi that I wouldn’t be leaving him by himself at school any more, I could feel him relax. Within days, all the changes in him subsided. It was like he was a different child, only the difference was he was our sweet, old gregarious Bodhi. We signed up for a Mommy & Me “school” which he loves and talks about eagerly all week.
Looking back, I can see all my logical reasons for enrolling Bodhi in school. I am proud that Bo “dropped out.” In fact, what I’m most proud of is Jamie and my willingness to listen to Bodhi’s emotion and behavior, as well as our own intuition, over what our minds – or anyone else had to say about Bodhi being in school.
When I called my mom to tell her that Bodhi dropped out of school, she laughed. “Well, your grandmother would be happy,” she said. “Why?” I asked intrigued. “I enrolled you in pre-school when you were 3 and you hated it, so I pulled you out. Your grandmother thought it was ridiculous to enroll a 3 year old in school so she was quite pleased when you ‘decided’ that you didn’t want to go.” Not it was my turn to laugh. Who knew that Bodhi was merely following his mother’s footsteps? 2nd generation pre-school drop-out indeed!
Questions for contemplation:
- When you are making decisions for your child, do you often go with your gut or heart?
- If you notice a change in your child’s behavior, emotion, or attitude, do you tune in to him/her, and “listen” to what they are saying?
- Are you willing to go with your gut/heart/intuition over what your head may say? Over what the outside world has to say?
- Do you support your child when they go with what they are feeling instead of what makes logical sense?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, check in with ways that you might be more open and willing to consider the wisdom and intelligence that comes from an internal knowing – balanced with what comes from common sense or logic. Your body – and your child – may one day thank you!
Mindful Parenting: Being More Clever & Creative Than Your Child
- October 21, 2009
Jamie often reminds me, “You have to be more clever than your toddler.” Bodhi constantly challenges me to be more clever and creative.
Case in point: we were about to leave the playground, or rather I was ready to leave given our schedule. Bodhi was too happy to be in the moment, popping in and out of a tower in a miniature castle.
I went through my usual routine, giving Bodhi a few minutes of warning, explaining that we were going to meet Papa and Mammy Rita for lunch (!), asking him to come down now. None of it enticed him.
Since he was inside a child-sized castle, it would have made picking him up a rather tricky endeavor. Plus I don’t like to “force” him to come with me. I prefer that he is motivated to happily come along. So I dug a little deeper to be more clever and more creative than my two-year-old.
“Pepper’s in the car. What? What Pep? You can’t wait to hear all about Bodhi’s adventures?” Bodhi paused momentarily to consider my “conversation” with his rabbit stuffie, then went back to playing. “What? You’re getting into Bodhi’s snack?” Bodhi raised one eyebrow. Still, no dice.
I felt like a batter swinging at balls and missing. How could I inspire Bodhi to come along? I suddenly remembered that a VW tow truck was often parked in an adjacent repair shop.
“Hey Bo, I wonder if that old VW tow truck is parked around the corner?” Bodhi is a classic truck/car fanatic. Before I knew it, Bodhi was running toward our car. “Come on Mama! Let’s go see!”
Now I was the one being “dragged” along in his enthusiasm. As soon as I discovered an activity that was more interesting and enticing than what he was currently doing, he gladly came with me.
So how do you motivate and appeal to your child and their interests? How can you create a game or scavenger hunt? What are other ways that have worked for you?
Here’s to keeping it clever and creative.
Mindful Parenting: A Deeper Understanding of Discipline
- October 16, 2009
When you hear the word “discipline” what comes to mind? We might cringe a little and admit, “I’m not good at discipline. I’m not consistent.” Or “I can be overly-strong.”
Most of us think of discipline as either punishment or consequences. Until recently, I have to admit I tended to fall into the “there are consequences to your actions” category. This approach is useful, and often even necessary, but it misses an opportunity for teaching our children at a deeper level. Let me illustrate.
Yesterday Bodhi asked me to carry his wooden rocking boat (think rocking horse, but boat – we live in a historic fishing/lobstering/boating town) downstairs for him. He was carrying a blue pen, which he has recently become enamored with. We’ve been having lots of discussions about pens going on paper, not _____________ (fill in the blank – walls, tables, chairs, people, clothes, etc.)
As I’m about to go down the stairs, he uncaps the pen and scribbles on the bottom of the boat. I calmly say, “Bodhi, pens are used on paper, not boats” but internally I’m a little annoyed that I’ve have to tell him the rules – again. I put down the boat to take away the pen so he can “take a break” (the usual consequence of writing on a forbidden surface). He runs away, knowing that the pen is about to be taken. I follow him into a closet and crouch down to his eye level. I see him in a defensive posture, ready to defend his pen. Then I have one of those “a-ha” moments.
If I force the pen out of his hand, I am modeling that it’s okay to use force to get what I want. Do I really want to communicate through my actions that bigger makes right? Or that exerting fear/force is a way to solve problems? I suddenly wonder, “From his point of view, what motivated him to write on the boat? Why didn’t he understand that it’s not okay to write on the boat?” So I ask him.
He breathlessly tells me that he wanted to make water for the boat to go in. He launches into a story about using a crane to take the boat out of the water (as he has been witnessing in our local harbor.) Now I can see his logic. I have understanding.
I see that his 2-year-old in-the-moment, impulse driven mind wasn’t capable of thinking through “this is a boat, not paper, so I’d better not write on it.” So I suggest to Bodhi that we go find some paper for him to draw blue water on, then we can put the boat in it. He nods and smiles. I ask him what we draw on. His reply, “Paper.” And I question him as to whether it is okay to draw on boats. He solemnly replies, “No.”
I am still wavering about taking the pen away, when I realize that I’ve accomplished what I want – Bodhi understanding where we use a pen. I’ve also supported his creativity – we’re now making water for the boat without drawing on the boat itself.
In this approach of using “discipline,” I strive for the true meaning of the word. “Discipline” comes from the Latin, meaning “instruction” or “knowledge.” Instead of viewing Bodhi as being or acting intentionally bad, I looked for ways I could guide him toward learning. I expanded my point of view to be able to see his, and then worked to find a solution that helped him gain deeper understanding into his actions. In doing so, I model for him how to internalize the lesson and to think for himself.
Instead of taking the pen, I took his hand. I could feel his whole being relax. He had “learned his lesson” and also had been able to express himself both verbally and creatively. I felt my heart expand and connect with his, grateful for this new point of view.
Here are a few suggestions for using “discipline” as a way to teach:
1. Take a step back.* When our children do something “wrong,” our first response is often to feel angry, annoyed, or out-of-control. Breathe. Wait to communicate with them when you are both in a calm space. An emotional child (or person for that matter) is usually not able to hear or learn until the energy has cleared.
*Obviously we use our common sense, to “step in” if there is a dangerous or unsafe situation at hand.
An example: Bodhi and another boy got into a pushing match in a Mommy-and-Me class this week. When I took him outside the room, he was too mad about having to leave to talk with him and I was a little frazzled from pulling the boys apart. Yet during the car drive home, I was able to “discipline” him through talking about what had happened so that he understood the situation, his actions, and possible alternatives for the future.
2. Remember your larger intent & purpose. What are you trying to teach your child? What’s the big picture? What energy are you using to communicate your lesson with? Do your actions align with your lesson?
On the surface of the above boat example, I was teaching Bodhi about how to use a pen in a way that doesn’t deface his belongings. Yet when looking at the bigger picture, what I really want to teach Bodhi is how to think through what he is doing and to direct his creativity in appropriate ways. Not to mention that love and understanding trump force or fear.
3. Discover how your child is thinking. Often we view our child as intentionally misbehaving. Yet what if we instead viewed our child as having innate wisdom and common sense? When they “misbehave,” they usually have not fully internalized or understood what we value. Or their own thinking may be preventing them from connecting to their own wisdom. When we start by “seeing” the world through their eyes and discover why they acted as they did, we can build a bridge to help and guide them to deeper understanding of their true selves and their actions. So ask questions with an open mind and heart. Then listen.
4. Upon reaching understanding, there is no need for further discipline. When your child understands what happened and how they might make a different choice in the future, your work is done. There is no need to create another consequence or punishment (such as removing the pen from Bodhi’s hand).
Our main job as parents is to guide and teach our children. How do you want to go about doing so? Feel free to wiegh in.
This blog was inspired by Parenting from the Heart by Jack Pransky. I can’t recommend this book more highly.
From Bad to Bounty, A Shift in Point of View
- September 26, 2009
Last week, the Gilroys were struck by a case of bad cell phone karma. Perhaps Mercury in retrograde was working its magic too. With a little insight, however, I was able to transform the “bad” into “bounty.” Here’s how…
On the same day, our 3 cell phones died. Nick’s was dipped in a bath of Goo (for you non-bike fanatics, that’s an energy substance appropriately named) which meant it now received but could no longer make calls. Mine was randomly dialing contacts, and after a test exchange with Nick’s Goo-bathed battery, randomly turning off. And Jamie’s was shutting down for no reason. Let’s just say communication was a little strained.
The three of us headed off to our local cell phone store. I had made a preliminary call and discovered that we only had one “upgrade” on our plan, which meant that we would most likely have to buy at least 2 new phones at full price. I pressed a little on other options – perhaps we’d luck out and be able to score a (cheaper and rare) used phone. Need less to say, I wasn’t happy about the prospect of shelling out a few hundred bucks for new phones. So I went into the store in a bit of a grump.
We walked into the store and Frank, the owner, greeted us warmly. After hearing our problem, he got right to work, “Let me see what I can do for you.” His demeanor was so friendly and helpful that I relaxed a bit. His positivity reminded me that I had made a commitment this weekend at our Life Mastery Dreaming workshop to maintaining a high level quality of feeling in my body. My energy shifted. A few minutes later, Frank said, “If I get really creative, I can have all three of you walk our of here with new phones for nothing out of your pocket.” He worked some kind of miracle – Jamie got a new phone since his was under warranty, I used Jamie’s upgrade to get a new phone, and Frank gave Nick a new (used) phone for free.
Rita has been teaching about a paradigm shift from “seeing is believing” (you have to show me in order for me to believe it) to “believing is seeing” (if you believe/feel it as true, then you will start seeing the results). As I walked out of the store, I felt this click inside of me. I saw that I have been operating under a subtle, unconscious belief that if a situation looks bad at the outset, I assume that it’s not going to work out in my favor. I’ll have to spend money or go through a headache in order to fix it. I might even engage my will to push my point of view or bully others into creating the outcome I want. It never feels good operating this way, and quite frankly it’s tiring.
What if I adpoted the point of view that everything was not just alright, but going to work out in my favor? What if I felt with all my being that the universe was conspiring to bring me money, help me achieve my dreams, and support my heart’s desire? Wow. Feel the impact of that. Instead of battling for what I want, I am supported every step of the way. Ahhh. I relax and open to even more good.
Since this ah-ha, the coffee shop treated me to a free cup of coffe. We received the first payment on an old loan that we had given up on ever being re-paid. A large refund from one insurance company arrived, and large check from another is in the works.
When life doesn’t appear to be going your way, how do you respond? Do you believe that an amazing opportunity is about to happen? Or that this is yet another annoying circumstance to deal with? Will it result in bad or bounty? I’ve been rebooting my operating system to believe, 100% that I am supported in all I do. And I’m seeing the results.
Mothering Magazine: The Cosleepers’ Connection
- August 30, 2009
This Letter to the Editor was printed in Mothering Magazine’s July-August 2009 issue.
Before baby, I had been known to sleep for 12 hours straight. With the arrival of our son, Bodhi, my deep-sleep feats drastically shifted as my husband, Jamie, and I chose to cosleep. My awareness blanketed all three of us as we drifted through the night in a synchronized dance of sleeping, waking, and feeding. Our choices felt right from the cores of our beings. Only later did we learn the benefits of cosleeping and breastfeeding (see “The Science of Sharing Sleep,” January-February 2009.)
Now that Bodhi is older and has transitioned into a crib in his room down the hall, our bodies still share a deep connection. I often wake during the night when I hear him quietly stirring. I can feel a part of myself travel down the hall to check in on him, even though I have not physically left our bed. Bodhi also wakes up asked to “Nurse Mama!” when he hears me roll over for the first time in the early morning.
I wish the researchers and health professionals who are against bedsharing could experience what we have. Then they might know for themselves, from a place of body awareness, the emotional, spiritual, health, and safety advantages.
Mindful Parenting: Winding Down to Sleep
- August 23, 2009
It’s 9:37pm. I’m just now putting Bodhi down to bed. I want nothing more than to plop him in his crib, turn off the light, and say good night. Bodhi has a rather different plan.
He’s wound up from Jamie’s brother’s 60th birthday party/mini-family reunion. For the last 4 1/2 hours, he’s been running around with a gaggle of cousins and a few stray neighborhood kids. He’s clearly exhausted – as am I – and yet has no obvious intention of going to sleep anytime soon. He’s attempting every stall tactic in the book.
I feel my frustration rising. It’s several hours past his normal bedtime. And I still have to clean up from the party. A mere six months ago he was sound asleep by 6:30. Then it crept up to 7:30. Now we’ve entered the slippery slope of a summerhood schedule of late naps and late nights. I want to put the brakes on this trend – tonight is the all-time record. I’ve got to get him into bed now.
As I am trying to hustle, skip, and negiotate my way past the regular nighttime rituals, I catch myself. He’s just spent the last few hours in a pack of roving older kids, swirling among a large crowd of adults. Occasionally he checked in for a quick snuggle or a request for a drink, but it’s the first time at a party that he’s been old enough to hang with the big dogs. He had a taste (or two) of sugar, which he almost never has.
While I’d like nothing more than to speed up (ok ditch) the nightly ritual: reading, rocking, chatting about his day… into the crib, rubbing his back, singing, sitting by the bed – he needs even more time to wind down. Perhaps it’s not so different than myself as an adult. I might read a little more or watch a little extra TV to unwind for a particularly busy day. Yet when it comes to Bo being up late, I’m thinking “It’s late, we’re both tired, let’s skip the books. Hurry this up already!” Meanwhile, I can sense he’s feeling, “It’s late, I’m tired and wound up, let’s read a few more books. Slow down a bit!”
When I slow down to his pace, I see the consequence of allowing him to stay up late is that I need to let him stay up later and take more – not less – time to wind down. So I relax into his rhythm. We read another book. We rock a little longer. We process his day in greater detail as he sorts through the relationships among all his relatives. I rub his back more. I sit by his crib longer.
He’s finally settling down when he reaches his hand out through the bars of his crib. This isn’t part of our usual dance. His little hand grasps my finger. Of course my heart melts a little more. I close my eyes and rest, savoring the moment, feeling the connection between us. Silence falls around the edges of the room.
I’m about to sneak out to tackle the dishes when I hear his sleepy voice call out, “Mama?” “Yes, Bo,” I reply. “What are you doing?” he asks. “Sitting here, loving you,” I say. And with that he falls into a deep and peaceful sleep.
As I tiptoe down the stairs, I know that times like these – when I am present to his needs and his timeline, when I am willing to listen to his questions – are the basis for a life-long conversation and friendship. The investment I make today will pay off when I want him to talk with me as a teen. I vow to myself to remember that when he’s up late, make more time for preparing to bed.
When I walk into the kitchen, I smile. Jamie and Nick (our teenager) are joking around, just finishing up the dishes. Jamie asks, “Bo down?” I nod yes, “Finally.” I sigh. Now I too can go to sleep.
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