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The Consequences of Living a Life of Pleasure

by Meghan McChesney Gilroy

Pleasure is a guiding principle in my life. I actively seek opportunities to bring my body pleasure: the luxury of soaking in a hot, steaming tub; the joy of feeling a brisk wind stir the leaves on an autumn day; the perfection of biting into a ripe summer berry; the warmth silkiness of stroking my dog’s fur coat; the scent of a log fire burning while hearing the snow crunch under my feet. One of the greatest pleasures is simply breathing. Take a moment to inhale deeply and savor the sensation of your lungs expanding. Hold your breath for a moment, and then ahhhhh! exhale. What exquisite joy! I provide my body with experiences that excite all my senses – sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, in addition to simply paying attention to my breath on a regular basis. This results in my body feeling so taken care of and nurtured. My body is then ready to carry me, my mind, anywhere I desire - to work, to school, to the grocery store, to the movies. My body and mind are then in harmony and can perceive, experience, and create life in the most magnificent of ways.

Choosing to live based on how I feel guides me in each moment of my life. By checking into what feels good to me, what brings me a sense of wholeness, and what springs from my inner core, I can make choices in my life that guide me toward more happiness and joy. I have discovered that these feelings often contrast with what I think I want or with my beliefs. For example, for years I believed it was important to be an independent, self-sufficient woman. I am so grateful that I was able to be and experienced being independent and self-sufficient. Yet I also discovered that when I let go of the "I can do this all by myself" and the fear of relying on other people, many new possibilities opened up to me. I quite surprised myself to discover that deep down I wanted to take a break from working in the way I was used to (which in my old way of thinking was unacceptable, even not possible). Could I survive without this long-standing way of thinking and being?

When I communicated this desire to my husband Jamie, he agreed to support me financially while I supported him in taking care of our personal life. I spent a year asking myself in each moment, “What do I feel like doing?” instead of doing all the things I felt I should do or was supposed to do. And all the opinions came out, “Why are you being so lazy? What’s wrong with you? This isn’t how you were raised to be!” The Miss Independent Woman Voice was not so happy about being relegated (by choice) to a new role. Yet my body was certainly enjoying the less structured days. My mind certainly enjoyed the freedom to paint one day, run errands the next, take a class on the third. By not believing these voices, I was able to re-write the code in my mind to one that was based on what I wanted – coming from my integrity, i.e. what I was feeling, not what my mind was used to dictating. This was a radical departure from the approval-seeking, straight-A, successful career woman way that I had previously approached my life.

Of course there were consequences to this decision, such as Jamie deciding he could best support our family by moving across country, away from what I loved, and no longer living near my close friends. But stepping into the unknown enabled me to experience a life of pleasure in a way that I had never imaged before, or that my mind had never conceived of. I took my faith out of my beliefs and put my faith into life. I saw that it has never been the personality and talents of Meghan that has been taking care of me, but rather the intent, faith, and force of the life that is passing through this body. When I let go of how I thought I should live and started living the way that felt good, I experienced more happiness, joy, abundance, gratitude - you name it, than I ever thought possible. By the way - this agreement has brought Jamie great happiness, pleasure and abundance too.

Which brings me to the next guiding principle in my life. I understand that every action has a reaction. When I make a choice to experience something pleasurable, my wisdom also knows there will be a consequence to this. I may seriously enjoy a piece of chocolate cake, but eating the whole cake is not truly enjoyable. The needs of the body are rather simple, but the mind often wants more than the body needs. If I am tempted to eat the whole cake, then I look at what is motivating this desire. If the body says "full" and the mind says, "Want more, tastes good, brings more pleasure" then I know that this is the lacking mind talking because I am really going against my body to eat more than it needs. At this point, I choose to be an ally to my body by recognizing the consequences and saying, "You've had enough."

This type of confusion around wanting to experience pleasure in the moment and the integrity of doing so often arises in romantic relationships. Let’s say that you are married and on a business trip with a co-worker that you find attractive. After a long day and a round at happy hour, the co-worker makes it known that he’s available. What to do? Should you listen to your feelings in the moment because you want to feel this sexual pleasure? After all, that’s living from your integrity of how you are feeling, right? Or is it in your integrity to say no because you are married?

I am not advocating one answer over another. And there are many structures to romantic relationships, including marriage, which have different agreements regarding sex with others. Only you can answer this dilemma for yourself. But here’s one way to approach this situation that includes both of my guiding principles: follow your pleasure and understand that actions have reactions.  If you have made an agreement with your partner that sex with others is not within the boundaries of your relationship, then you are aware that there are ramifications to taking an action in this direction. In the moment of desiring pleasure, there are many ways to fulfill this desire - with yourself, with calling your partner and talking sexy, with putting all that desire into eating an amazing meal, with having the most stimulating conversation with your co-worker. In a moment like this, I look at the "big picture" - is eating the extra piece of cake, or having sex with a co-worker, or drinking another glass of wine going against myself? The pleasure I gain in the moment may not outweigh the pleasure I feel in having a healthy body or continuing a relationship with someone I love or not feeling hung-over in the morning.  In this way, I do not distort experiencing pleasure in the moment with my overall happiness based on the consequences of my actions.

In these situations, I also look at my motivation for wanting to go beyond the agreements that I have made with my partner (or with myself). Is it time to make new agreements? Is there something in our relationship that feels missing which we can communicate about and change? Is there something inside of myself that wants to be expressed that this co-worker is reflecting? Am I lonely? These deeper feelings may bring forth new ways of being - a truth that may not be based on how I think I should be or how my life currently is. With this new awareness, I can make the adjustments inside of myself or communicate new agreements with my partner.

I’ve discovered many consequences of living a life of pleasure. I live in the moment. My body is relaxed, healthy, and ready to carry me out in the world. I am more creative. I feel free and excited to be alive. These are the logical consequences of living from my integrity. After all, my integrity comes from being whole. By balancing the joys of experiencing pleasure in each moment with the wisdom of knowing the consequences to my actions, my body and mind are aligned with life. So start now. Take a deep breath. Ahhhh! What pleasure.

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