Fear or Gratitude – The Choice is Ours
By Michele Laub
- Thursday, May 21st, 2009
Until recently, the events in my life were guided by the underlying fear-based beliefs of my programmed mind. Born during World War II, my dad in the army, my mother alone, pregnant and nineteen, I emerged into a swirl of fear, worry and anxiety which continuously shaped my choices. Because the state of fear was familiar, I was attracted to people, and circumstances that reflected that emotional state.
Beliefs are alive, supported by a distinct emotional point of view, and without awareness they run our lives. For me there was always something to worry about, surprises out of left field, and disappointments to stop me in my tracks.
By my mid-20s I realized that others were taking risks, having fun and experiencing love, while I survived from outside the fishbowl, nose against the glass watching, waiting and fearing. The quest to overcome the pain of fear became my personal experiment, guiding me through the traditional process of self-discovery peppered with deep periods of introspection. Through marriage, motherhood and work, fear focused my perception, always lurking under the surface.
After a roller-coaster life of fear and not fear, I read The Four Agreements, by don Miguel Ruiz, Toltec Master and Shaman. I had found the key for me and was compelled to go deeper. As a Dreamer in the Toltec Mystery School, I learned that fear is a distortion of the mind whose job it is to keep us safe. I learned to quiet my mind, expunge cellular memory, and most important: to focus on gratitude as love in action.
Because the mind can only hold one thought at a time, focusing on gratitude replaces the fear, and consistent practice makes the master. The original Toltecs, who built the pyramid city of Teotihuacan 2,000 years ago, knew this. At Teotihuacan the physical representation of gratitude stands as an expression of beauty, universal connection through art, architecture and the structure of the city itself.
I imagine myself as an early Toltec, arriving in fear from a distant mountain village, giving up past constricting beliefs as I walk the Avenue of the Dead choosing a new focus of beauty and gratitude, knowing that everything is connected, living in trust. I know that I am always at the moment of choice, choosing between gratitude or fear. Knowing that fear is “false evidence appearing real” – a result of fear-based conditioning and limiting beliefs, I let go of fear and open the flood gates for more and more to be grateful for.
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