Archive for March, 2009
Mindful Parenting: In the Moment – and In the Mud
By Meghan McChesney Gilroy
- Monday, March 30th, 2009
We live in New England. With a toddler. So we can attest that yes, the long, cold winters that it is famous for are real. And there is such a malady as cabin fever. Come February, we look for any excuse to get out of the house. We pray to the gods of playdates, “Please don’t let anyone get sick. Please no long winter naps.” And yet we dread the wrestling matches that happen each time we do mobilize the troops with their required hats, mittens, snow pants, and jackets and Uggs
So when spring appears, and in this part of the world that means any part of the day that is above freezing, we can be found pushing strollers rigged with windbreakers, searching for a playground that has only a foot of mud at the bottom of the slide, and shivering in our own yards as our little ones run in circles around us in spring inspired March madness
This spring has done more than ease my winter weariness or encourage the flowers to poke their buds through the ground. I’ve reconnected to the simple joy of watching a world come out of hibernation and into creating new life. Bodhi, now almost 2, has discovered every crocus and tulip in our yard. As his legs pump furiously, zigzagging between each clump of green, he asks, “What dat Mama? What dat called?
As we discover the plants and rocks and bugs in our mud pit, for the first time in years, I chart the progress of a flower’s growth. We monitor the transition from just shoots, to tightly bound bursts of color, to “Look Bo! Today there’s a flower opening its petals.” Bodhi comically bends over to sniff the shoots, his nose a good foot from his intended target, he calls to me, “Mmmm! Good! Smell Mama!” I now schedule time each day to visit with and “pet” the patches of moss that cling to our rock walls and trees
Just like the seasons, our children grow and change before our eyes. A friend of mine who has boys in the 7-10 year old range reminisced on his now-gone days of being on all fours on the ground. Days like these give me pause to be grateful for who Bodhi is now – even when his whines or demands are more likely to drive me up a wall.
I often hear parents complaining about the stage their children are in – their toddler is too clingy, their teenager is never home. I do my best to remember on the crazy-making days that this too shall pass. And I see the opportunity in this moment in time – with my toddler I soak in every request to squirm on my lap and with my teenager, I revel in the freedom that I have to enjoy an evening with my husband while Nick is off with his friends. Mindful parenting is simply about being aware of what we are feeling, saying, and projecting emotionally to our children.
Life is amazing and ever changing. And if we take the time and the awareness to appreciate what is before us, our hearts open and burst just like those first buds of spring. I give my thanks to my boys and to spring. After all, how many of us adults have an excuse to crawl around in the mud?
Footprints in the Sand
By Grace Sardonicus
- Sunday, March 29th, 2009
At 7AM I was walking to the quiet rhythm of low-tide waves washing up on West Beach in Beverly Farms. Rising above the cobalt water, the sun glistened so brightly that I turned away and began walking backwards. My gaze focused on my footprints that followed me. I was looking back at the path soon to be forever washed away into the ocean of my memories. I felt so much gratitude for what was behind me. I turned again to face what was before me. I closed my eyes and walked in the un-known. There was an exhilaration coursing through my body with each step. What a fun game representing a symbolic snapshot of my life.
The thread of my thoughts weaves into passages of life and aging. Here I am almost the big ‘50’ yet I still feel 30 minus all the kid’s hanging off my hip. Yes, there are hormonal and energetic changes. And where, oh, where did my memory go? The thing of it is, I feel happier and whole. I still love riding my bike, hiking up a mountain, doing yoga and dancing. I have slowed down. Maybe because I don’t feel in such a hurry anymore. Standing at a check-out counter in the grocery store, I observed a young mother cutting in front of an elderly woman who simply commented, ‘I used to be in such a rush until I realized, where am I rushing to? To be where I am now?’
When I was a young adult, I recall the complaints of my elders having physical pain and an inability to move as swiftly. Now I see how traumatized many of my 50 & over clients are by the very idea of aging: Their health and energy diminishing, the body and mind not as sharp and fit as it once were. Fortunately these individuals are taking constructive actions to remedy their ailments. The fact is we are all going to die. I think there is a big difference between being a victim of natural aging vs. aging with grace and not believing the mind’s program that aging has to look or feel a certain way. Who knows how it should feel? I say live with gusto, mindfulness and great respect for your temple. And be happy!
When I feel low energy and sluggish, I look at what I have or have not been doing. I then apply the tools that I have learned and do something about it. I love feeling alive and healthy. This feeling inspires me to share tools with others.
I reflected on my inspiration to create EmBodyDream programs: the years of Yoga, alternative healthcare, whole natural food diet emphasizing locally grown vegetarian foods, aerobic exercise to support my physical and mental health, and, most importantly, how I run my brain. If I beat myself up or think I’m a victim or worry about my ability to succeed or lay around complaining and whining, I’ll feel like crap. I will also age faster. When I believe any story that undermines my power and magnificence, I lose sleep and fall into a ditch that stops the flow of life. Instead I choose actions that give me pleasure, energy & happiness. I take that yoga class, get a massage, turn up the music & dance!
I thought about an exercise I had done years ago. At the end of my life what would I like my epitaph to say? It’s an exercise to check-in and see if I am living according to my life purpose. So as I traced my steps back along the beach to where I started, I spoke the words ‘She lived with gusto, grace & wisdom…generously sharing her love and inspiration with humanity.’ I say YES, I am living the words on my future epitaph. I just have to keep remembering to slow down, what’s the rush? Breathe, smell the salty ocean air, feel the warmth of the rising sun and be grateful for this magnificent, magical life.
For more info on EmBodyDream programs email Grace at graceventura1@gmail.com or call 603-651-9642
Embracing the Unknown
By Jamie Gilroy
- Thursday, March 19th, 2009
For me St. Patrick’s Day came and went this year quietly and without a hangover. I know what that day means to so many and I support the celebration. To me that day has a different kind of celebration attached to it now. It is the anniversary of my marriage to Meghan. Well the first marriage. We did it three times actually over the next year. Anyone who truly knows me knows I love weddings so why not three with the one you love? So how did it happen? Listen, it’s a great tale.
I was living in California some years ago and studying with don Miguel Ruiz a Mexican shaman (who wrote a lovely little best selling book called The Four Agreements). He really helped me get to a place I had been yearning for my whole life. His assistance (and also from the unending love and guidance of my beloved teachers Rita and Barbara) got me to a place faster and deeper than all the roads and paths I wandered as a young man put together. It was magical, truly remarkable, and almost unbelievable the transformation in me that occurred in a relatively short amount of time. During this period I wasn’t really earning any income and after almost a year of intensive internal dismantling of my former self I was pretty much broke and in debt. That was ok though as I was pretty sure I could somehow work my way out of that hole. After all I created it so I suppose I could un-create it. I began packing my life up and prepared to head back East to my old home town to begin making money again. Best of all though I was beginning to feel really happy irrespective of my monetary state.
Well just around this time Meghan and I got together, fell pretty much in Love and figured it was a nice romance but short lived. She wasn’t planning on moving back east to cold winters and I had made my mind up there was no other way to extricate myself from my self created financial mess other than to move east. A bit of an impasse you could say. I was conflicted because of the wonderful connection I felt with Meg there in Encinitas and the plan I had created to start working again that meant leaving. Geez, what to do?
(Editors note: Ok some of you may be wondering, rightfully so, wasn’t there any work in California? Good question. If you live anywhere in North San Diego County no one works. Surf, drink Coronas, eat fantastic Mexican food and repeat as necessary.)
One of the most valuable lessons I learned after moving to California was the ability to embrace the unknown. I first practiced at embracing those parts of me that were buried inside and had no idea what they were but somehow seemed to control my life experiences. Then I worked on all those beliefs that made Jamie who Jamie was. I practiced letting go of who I thought I was. That was interesting. If I’m not who I thought I was then who am I? Talk about a deer in the headlights! It seemed like every step of the way I was being asked to leave behind what I thought was possible, or what I thought I knew, and enter into the unknown. Most definitely terrifying at first, but the more I did it the easier it became. And each time I released a belief, a plan, a scheme, or event I was holding on to - the outcome was so much sweeter than what I could have imagined. That said, I still could be a single minded stubborn ram (ass). And was.
Now it was the end of February. I was packed up and waiting for the moving van to move me east. I had asked Meg to marry me (having had a “vision” that we were being married by don Miguel and all the elders on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico) yet had no plan for how that could or would happen. I was convinced I had to leave and head home to New England. In a conversation with Meg about the situation I found myself in she asked me a simple question that derailed my strong (ok, obstinate) belief that I had to leave California. I said, “honey, there’s only one solution here. That’s to move east and do carpentry again until I work myself out of debt.” “Really?” She smiled. “Really, there’s only one solution? Hum, that’s interesting.” And all of that conviction dissolved right then and there. I found myself going to that place of “I don’t know” going into the unknown where so many answers await.
I see so many opportunities right now to step into that unknown place with regards to the state of our world. So many good souls trying to make sense of what happened, what is happening, and how to fix it. So many uncertainties in the world right about now. What if we could just step into that unknowing place without fear or doubt or hesitation. What if we got so good at it that each time we did so it alleviated our stress and anxiety about what could happen. What if we got good at letting go? Got good at stepping out of our own way. Got really good at not believing ourselves and the news we broadcast in our own mind about how bad things are. Just for a moment we took a grand step into the Unknown…
Well. I did. I lept again with no idea what the outcome would be. And two weeks later, on St. Patrick’s Day 2003 I was married to my beloved Meghan by don Miguel, his son don Jose, and all the elder Dreamers on top of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán Mexico. I will for as long as I live never forget that day and the sight of this collective group of beings who let go long ago their limitations about what is and what is not possible.
I will never again underestimate the power of embracing the Unknown.
Each time I do it’s like my wedding day all over again.
Thanks for reading.
J
Winning the Lottery
By Jamie Gilroy
- Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
Yeah I know. Been absent for awhile from my post (no I’m not depressed Ma). Last you heard I left for Mexico and promised a colorful re-telling of the TRIP. Maybe ya’ll thought I climbed that old pyramid of the Sun with my youngest boy and finally stepped off, was blasted into the ether, permanently merged with the infinite, only to be never heard from again…should we all be SO lucky!!!
Nope I’m still here. And I will get around to telling about that place that turns mere mortals into mere mortals with Plenty of Awareness. But not today. Today I want to let you know I think I just won the lottery.
Let that sink in for a sec. Right about now my phone should starting ringing like the ol’ rotary dial in the cartoons. Silence. Good. Let me explain before all the people I never knew start calling me for a bailout.
I do buy lottery tickets on a regular basis. Maybe because I once got 4 out of 6 numbers. Maybe because I figure a “dollar and a dream” right? In this economy a few extra $25 millon couldn’t hurt, right? Anyway I got to thinking about how money seems to ease so many things, and when the world at large is suffering from a difficult economic crisis it exacerbates the underlying fear that so many of us have: that we don’t have enough. That no matter what our financial status is that more is good, that lots more is even better. But more of what? Is there something that can buy peace of mind? Is it money? Is it more acquisitions? What is it really?
A dear friend and I were speaking recently and he relayed a story to me that impressed me. Lately he had taken a hit both in terms of the amount of work he had coming in (income), and had taken a hit on his portfolio. A big hit. Now this friend has always LOVED money and the acquiring of money. He is “good with money” as they say, and conservative in how he spends it. I always looked at him with a mixture of wonderment and respect since I was never really that interested in making millions or being conservative in how I spent the little money I had. To hear him speak about the dramatic shift in his status in such a calm way really moved me. He had found his life was NOT so much about what sat in an investment fund or an IRA. It was about what he was living right now, and how he was feeling in that “now” moment. He was feeling good.
So this morning as I could feel the cervix of my mind opening preparing to birth another blog, I was thinking about winning the lottery. And how I’ve already won. Not the money part so leave me alone please. But the LIFE part. Look and see.
I’m healthy and fit (ok I’m a F.O.N.), I have a beautiful and loving partner Meg in my life (the REAL lotto score!), two wonderful sons Nick and Bodhi, my Mom Junie lives right around the corner from us and is a HUGE part of our lives. I have two fine older brothers who have given me so much love throughout their lives. I am surrounded by friends who inspire and play with me. I am self-employed with amazing employees that are unique and incredible. I live in an amazing seaside community that feels like HOME totally. I get time to take care of my mind and body. I have the opportunity to travel and be with the ones I love and don’t get to see often. Oh, I even have a sweet dog who is fairly neglected and that I occasionally take on long mountain bike rides and stays faithfully on my wheel uncomplaining.
Do you see what I mean? Would more money change any of this? What if I was wealthy beyond compare yet had a life threatening disease? Or my family life was a mess? I mean take any of the things that are in my life right now and replace it with more money. If it’s about replacing something, no thanks. Sure, I’ll keep playing the Lotto. And you know when I do win, I’ll give much of it away. But right now I’m happy just the way Life is, and what’s being delivered to my door.
Humm, maybe I better get an unlisted number soon…
Peace.
J
Mindful Parenting: How to Win-Win the Parent-Child Battle
By Meghan McChesney Gilroy
- Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
A friend of mine recently relayed a story about her battle with her 5 year old around having him cut his hair. For those of you who have forgotten, most little ones detest having their head sheared. In this story (which I’ve heard with minor variations from many moms and dads), the demand to cut the hair and the refusal to do so created a pissed off mom, dad, and child, not to mention a sulky Sunday. As my heart when out to her, I began contemplating the dynamic of the power struggles that often erupt between children and their parents.
When practicing Mindful Parenting (or in my own awareness practice), I love to look at situations from all points of views. It often reveals hidden insights into how to creatively resolve the challenges we face. So I began tackling this one, by stepping back from the situation at hand and looking at the world from a child’s perspective. For those of you familiar with our teachings, we also look through the lens of “everything is energy” to gain awareness on how we are using and attracting what appears in our lives whether it’s emotional energy or a challenging situation with our children. Let’s see what we can discover…
Let’s imagine what the world is like from the standpoint of a small child. In my imagination, tempered with direct observation, I see a being that is mostly absorbed in the moment and hasn’t fully developed their ability to control their impulses or think through the consequences of their actions. For those of us living with young children, it’s rather like handling a cute, but rather wild, animal.
These little creatures co-exist within the adult world of rules and timelines. For practical reasons, we control nearly every aspect of their lives: when they can come out of their rooms or when they have to go to sleep, when they must stop playing and come eat, whether they can go outside or have to stay in, when they need the dreaded haircut. We have the physical power to pick them up against their will and carry them up the stairs to bed. We have the mental power to reward and punish them through our words and actions in order to enfold them into our expectations of appropriate behavior. And we have the emotional power to shower them with love and kisses or withdraw our attention, to praise and encourage them or to criticize them sternly.
When our loveable wild critter is in the normal, necessary process of becoming conditioned on how to participate safely and successfully in the human dream, there is bound to be friction between what they desire to do (dump water on your carpet, smear food on the wall, tell a tall tale, throw a tantrum in the store, not get that haircut) and what you ask of them. In these moments, a battle of wills can quickly develop. Who is in control? The parent or the child? As a parent, we can easily become frustrated at a child’s defiance, however slight. How many times have you felt irritated at having to repeat yourself ten times? Or from having a toddler – or 5 year old – invoke the power of “no!”? As the child, without much physical power and with a limited number of mental tricks in your arsenal, you resort to your greatest tool: using emotional energy to your advantage.
For those of us with children, we know how well they can push our buttons. Children adeptly master their most effective line of defense against the onslaught of adult conditioning – gaining our attention by reading us emotionally. They quickly learn how to scan us and use it to their benefit: if they get more emotional juice from whining or stomping their feet than they do by complying, then they go for what brings them the most energy. When we engage in a power struggle with them, we usually lose. The more we try to force what we want, getting a jacket on, having the haircut, the more they push back against us. Yet when we reverse our course and withdraw sending our energy into the struggle, they realize that they are not going to get what they are hunting for – our attention and our energetic and emotional reaction. Here’s an example of how this works:
When Bodhi was about a year and half, we were eating dinner with friends and having an engaging conversation, not paying much attention to Bo. Apparently not being included was not to his liking, so he picked up his laminated dinosaur placemat and put it on his head with a big grin. Of course all the adults at the table started laughing – it was silly and charming. Bodhi responded to this positive emotion and attention and continued to put the placemat on his head. The “cuteness” wore off as he began knocking over his bowl, making a mess, and transferring the goo to his hair. Now, we were sternly telling him NOT to put the mat on his head. Of course, he had received more energy out of our laughter so he continued the hat trick.
When I saw how Bodhi was responding to our energy, I asked my husband and our friends to join me in laughing and praising Bodhi loudly every time he placed the mat back on the table. After several minutes of no reaction when the mat was on his head and lots of energy when the mat was on the table, Bodhi modified to keeping the mat where it belonged. He went for the reward where he got the most attention and energy.
This led me to the MORE Energy system of child raising. I assigned myself the job of being more creative and more aware of how I was directing my energy (both within myself emotionally and towards Bodhi) and how Bodhi was using his energy to gain some control in his world. When I became the one who was guiding and directing our energy, I re-gained control in many situations and in the process created a supportive, nurturing environment for Bodhi, a more balanced and calm mama, and a peaceful home for all of us. Here’s some suggestions on how to get started.
- Invite yourself to stretch beyond your point of view. What is your child trying to communicate to you? Is it really important for your child to be doing what you want? Is there a creative compromise that will satisfy both of you? Sometimes we mindlessly insist on a rule or timeline based on how we were conditioned, on our belief about how we or our child “should” be, or on our perception of what others might think of us or our child. When we take the time to be conscious about our beliefs, we may realize that with a little more consideration what we are battling over may not be so important in the overall scheme of life.
- Acknowledge and allow all the emotion to flow. Take a deep breath for yourself. Find a safe way for your child to release their energy: punching a pillow, turning a shriek into an animal sound, jumping up and down, banging a drum. When you let the frustration that you or your child may be feeling to pass, it creates the space to create anew.
- Look for where the energy is going. Take a step back from the situation. Assess how you are directing your energy and how your child is directing their energy. Are you sending out more attention and bigger energy to want you do want your child to do or what you don’t want them to do? If you can, take it out of the realm of “positive” or “negative” energy and look for where you are sending MORE or BIGGER energy. The amount of energy the child receives is usually more important to the child than if it comes from praise or yelling – so why not go for the more pleasant of the two?
- Finally, send MORE BIGGER attention and energy toward the behavior you want to encourage. I find more success in gently conditioning Bodhi by being in command of the overall emotional quality I want in our lives (peace!) When I direct my energy and attention toward motivating what I do want instead of sending my energy and attention toward what he does that “annoys me” or disrupts the peace, the more I create a peaceful life for both of us.
Modifying how both you and your child direct your energy and how you correlate it to encouraging the overall emotional quality you want in your home, along with the appropriate behavior may take time. If you can’t make the shift in the moment (especially when everyone is riled up), then try again the next time you encounter a similar behavior or situation. It can also help to review what happened later on in a spare moment, or to talk it over with a friend or co-parent who’s up for finding that new, creative point of view.
Sometimes it’s also helpful to hear examples of other situations where you can apply the MORE Energy System. These examples are not meant as advice or even the “right” way to do it, but rather as inventive sparks to help you think of alternatives that will work for you and your child. And since we can all use all the help we can get, if you have an example that’s worked for you, or are stuck on finding a creative response to a challenge with your child, feel free to comment on this blog and we’ll post the responses. (And here’s the disclaimer – make sure you use your awareness about what is appropriate for your child’s age and temperament).
Here are three ways we’ve re-directed our energy with Bodhi that come to mind:
TONE OF VOICE:
Does your child ever drive you crazy with whining? Before I caught onto Bodhi’s wily ways, he would often ask for a snack or help in a demanding voice. He knew that if he asked long enough or loud enough, it would make me stop what I was doing to attend to him. Once I saw this, I began asking him to use a different (i.e. pleasant and normal) tone of voice and use his sweet words (please and thank you). I make sure I make a big deal out of his pleasant tone and very calmly and quietly discourage the grating one. Now he is beginning to self-modify and when I don’t respond to the first hysterical demand, he lowers his voice and asks sweetly and pleasantly.
KICKING OR HITTING:
Like most toddlers, Bodhi doesn’t like stopping his play to have his diaper changed. When we would lay him down on his changing table, he would often kick his feet at the person who was attempting to wrestle him into a new diaper. Now, after firmly telling him “No kicking Mama,” I warmly say, “Get all the energy out. Kick! Kick!” as his feet flail against the padded table. After 30 seconds or so, I ask him to have “calm legs” and he usually stops kicking so I can change his diaper in peace. Or, if he says he’s not ready, I allow him to kick for a few second more. After a suggestion from a friend, we’ve also started to diaper him standing up near his potty so he feels more engaged in the process.
REFUSING TO COOPERATE:
There are times when Bodhi doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing in order to get dressed to come downstairs or go out the door. If he struggles against getting ready, I stop dressing him. I remind him of our goal in terms that appeal to him – we’re going outside, we’re getting into the MiniCooper, we’re going to eat his favorite breakfast and then see a friend. Then I tell him that if he needs help getting dressed to let me know when he’s ready.
By the way, after a little time apart and some help from her husband, my friend’s child relented and now sports a very cute haircut. Parents of the world unite… with our creativity and awareness we can create loving relationships with less struggles with our little ones.
Intuition
By Gayle Franceschetti
- Monday, March 16th, 2009
Intuition
What is intuition? How do I access it? How do I know the difference between my mind and my intuition?
There exists within everyone and everything a universal intelligent life force. It resides in us as a natural inner intelligence-a deep or inner “knowing”. Sometimes it is a very quiet whispering voice-at other times it can come as a “gut” reaction or feeling. How many times have we gone to pick up the telephone and known who it was before we answered it? Or perhaps walked into a room and felt the uneasy vibrations of negative emotions that had just previously been there?
We are born with a natural intuitive sense. Young children are very intuitive. Although in our culture they are often trained out of it early in life. We are accustomed to thinking that some people are intuitive and some people are not. Women are generally considered to be more intuitive than men for example. Yet many men follow their intuitive hunches on a daily basis.
In indigenous cultures and in many others around the world, intuition is respected and honored as a natural and important aspect of everyday life. Daily life in these cultures is guided by a strong sense of connection to the Universal creative force. Individuals in these cultures learn to follow and trust their own inner sense of truth. They have a profound sense of the interconnectedness of all life.
In the past modern western culture, for the most part, did not acknowledge the validity of intuition. The rational aspect of our nature was honored and developed and often the existence of intuition was discounted. Often our beliefs and laws had been reinforced by the teachings in our schools and our society of the development of the left sides of our brains (rational abilities) and mostly ignored the right side of our brain (intuitive, holistic, creative capacities). We often see the same bias in the business world.
Our rational mind is like a computer-it processes the information that it receives and calculates the logical consequences based on this information. It can only compute the data that it has received directly from the external world-our rational mind can only operate on the basis of the direct experience each of us has had-the knowledge and perceptions that we have gained through our five senses .
The intuitive mind on the other hand seems to have access to an infinite supply of information-including information that we have not collected from our personal experiences. It taps into an endless source of knowledge and wisdom-the Universal mind. As one learns how to access and rely on this guidance, life takes on a flowing, effortless quality.
By utilizing both sides of our brains and tapping into our rational and intuitive abilities we can benefit from a balance and integration of logic and intuition. In recent years there have been some schools and businesses that have begun to truly value intuition and to encourage the kind of creativity and progressive thinking that results from intuitive awareness.
Most of us have spent a lifetime developing our rational minds and have programmed our intellect to doubt our intuition. Doubts can arise when an intuitive feeling comes, and our rational minds can say,
”I don’t think that will work” or “What a crazy idea,” and then the intuition is disregarded. In this time and age a lot of us are now training our intellect to respect, listen to, and express out intuitive voice.
Developing our intuitive ability begins with paying attention to what is going on inside of you so that you can become aware of your inner dialogues and catch them when they are happening. As one practices listening to one’s inner voices we become much more aware of our intuitive feelings. The next step is to learn how to interpret them and to act on them in a practical way. I have found that most people, with a little practice and time, become much more aware of their intuitive feelings.
It is often helpful and fun to develop one’s ability to listen to one’s intuition by doing so in a group of like-minded individuals. I will be offering a “Developing Your Intuition” seminar series in Connecticut starting April 22, 2009, For further details, please contact Gayle at 203-265-2927 or gayle@lifemasteryprograms.com or visit www.return2love.net.
The Magic of Priorities
By Grace Sardonicus
- Monday, March 9th, 2009
Imagine a world where our children are happy, healthy, vibrant and compassionate.
Imagine a world with clear thinking, balanced, human beings living with gratitude and creativity.
Imagine a world where we respect, honor and listen to each other and ourselves. Health begins from the inside out. How can any of us serve others if we are not serving ourselves? Grace’s inspiration to create EmBodyDreamTM grew from the seed of her pure pleasure of dance as a child. Being in her body and feeling so much joy, creativity and freedom as a dancer was her platform. From the time I was conceived and throughout my childhood, the sounds of Chopin, Beethoven and Rachmaninoff wafted through the halls of my home, beautiful music that my Mother practiced 8 hours/day, preparing for concerts. The music opened a doorway into the visceral expression of my soul’s joy. I felt so inspired to dance. So I did. Whenever Mom practiced the piano I entered the living room which became an altered dimension of stunning creation and harmony. My heart’s desire was being expressed as I emulated the ballerinas that I deeply admired watching on the stages of the New York City Ballet. Grace, poise, peace and exuberance coursed through my blood, skin, muscles and bones. I felt alive and whole. My body said ‘yes’. I had a powerful, direct experience of what feeling healthy and happy in my body was like. Zooming to present day, I have created a recipe of how to maintain and evolve vibrant health. I discovered that health begins with how I think and what I believe. How could I be healthy if I don’t know what is truly good for me? I dedicated my life work to experimenting and learning tools to maintain extraordinary health for my mind, body & spirit. A key in my recipe is reclaiming what is most important by understanding priorities. What are your priorities? Your health and wellbeing? Your career? Your family? What comes first, second, etc? Do your priorities make sense? Why have you chosen one thing over another? Are you modeling what you were taught or did you choose on your own? We often don’t realize that we are re-creating patterns based on what our parents did. For example: Why do we believe we should take care of another before ourselves? From one point of view, we are judged as selfless and caring. From this same point of view, we would be selfish if we took care of ourselves first. From another point of view if we don’t take care of ourselves first, we would be irresponsible, neglectful and un-loving of ourselves. Who is to say what is right or wrong? You. What feels right to you? What makes the most sense? From my point of view, if I am not happy and healthy, I cannot possibly serve other’s whole-heartedly. Why would I want to just give part-way? In my personal review of priorities, I offer this idea:
- Evolving consciousness in mind, body & Spirit (which includes spiritual practice/education, health & celebrating the joy of life)
- Relationships: Family/Intimate & Home
- Dharma: Expression of my soul’s mission in service to others
- Finances: Includes conscious attitude & handling of money, i.e. Income/expenses, budget, investing, debt, etc.
- Satsanga: Community of like-minded individuals
- Travel, Fun
A quick time management lesson: The first step in understanding time management is about priorities. Once you put your self-care as a # 1 priority, you will magically find the time to accomplish whatever makes your heart sing. EmBodyDreamTM bridges our daily experience of life with the awareness to dream awake in this body. Learn to listen to your body with tools that provide a platform of health and wellbeing. EmBodyDreamTM offers programs in Self-Care with an emphasis on the physical body, Parenting and teachings from The Four Agreements & Yoga. She is currently teaching: Earthly Delights – Integration Tools to Prime your Body for Optimal Vitality and Wisdom & Grace – Recreate & Empower the actions we take everyday to manifest our heart’s desire! Ongoing classes in Wolfeboro,NH & NEW in Beverly Farms,Ma flyer Mother, How Can This Be – Upcoming Parenting Workshop this Summer Tools to parent from the inside out. With compassion, love & self-responsibility, we can create cooperative, loving and fun family dynamics! Contact for more information Contact Grace at grace@lifemasteryprograms.com. Stay tuned for her new website www.embodydreamprograms.com.
Please visit our Seminars & Journeys page for detailed info on Earthly Delights. Here’s a program synopsis:
Class 1: What is an EmBodyDream? Wake up to the distortions in your mind about your body. Why do we fall into ruts of ill health? Learn how to support great health by cultivating tools to ‘witness’ your mind. Take home tools & homework to support your journey.
Class 2: How do you treat your temple? Identify personal & family legacy. Let’s be the change that we want to see in our children & the world!
Workshop A: Cooking Yummy, healthy meals. Taste & take home great recipes.
Class 3: Transform attitudes & behaviors. Changing our planet begins with changing our body. Clean the temple!
Workshop B: Creative juicing. Learn how to juice & function in your daily life while safely cleansing toxins & rejuvenating.
Class 4: Rebalancing as a permanent way of inhabiting the body. Integrating and creating a support system.
Mindful Parenting: A Radically Simple New Way to Deal with Your Emotions
By Meghan McChesney Gilroy
- Thursday, March 5th, 2009
WHAAAAaaaaaa! We’ve all experienced it – a wailing child (perhaps your own) at the supermarket, on an airplane, or at a restaurant. Quick, what’s your first response?
a. There, there, don’t cry… it can’t be that bad.
b. What’s wrong with that child? Someone make that stop!
c. Please get me out of here.
d. Oh, poor thing…
e. How wonderful! Let all that emotion out!
So what does this situation have to do with you?
Let’s start at the beginning. Your parents, teachers, and authority figures did the best they could to teach you how to survive in this world. In the process, they shared their beliefs with you, their rules for navigating the world – including their beliefs about emotion. Of course few, if any, of us received a clearly thought-out, let alone enlightened approach to dealing with emotion.
Let’s face it, most of the people who raised us were just not that comfortable dealing with messy, loud, or big feelings (or small subtle ones either for that matter). This means that at a core level, you probably don’t have many tools for dealing with your emotions or the emotions of the people around you either. And why does this matter?
Your body is designed to perceive sensation and your mind is designed to interpret this information, creating an emotional reaction in the process. It’s what we humans do – we manufacture emotions all the time. These emotions affect all aspects of your life – your health, your wealth, your personal and business relationships. They determine whether you are feeling on top of the world with hope, happiness, and joy or in the lowest depths of despair, anger, or jealousy.
Ultimately emotions relay messages from your Integrity, letting you know when you are out of balance, signaling when you have an erroneous belief in your programmed mind, and pointing out when you are out of alignment with Life itself. In short, emotions are the key to the quality of life you experience on a daily basis. Understanding them is vital to your journey of self-discovery.
So as an adult, how do you deal with your own emotions and with the emotions of the people around you? From what I’ve been observing, most adults use one of five strategies with young children. When I investigated a little further, I noticed that most adults use these same strategies with their partners, colleagues, and other adults. From experience, I know that I once used them on myself.
The five typical strategies for dealing with emotion are:
- Deny: “You don’t really mean that…”
- Rationalize: “That must be because…”
- Fix: “Why don’t you try to…”
- Run from: “I can’t deal with this right now, I need to…”
- Victimize: “That’s terrible! Poor you…”
Sound familiar? Take a second to think of the last time you were emotional. Now imagine if a close friend or your partner responded to your distress with each one of the five typical strategies. How does each make you feel? Unheard? Angry? More Confused? Frustrated? Unloved? What about when you respond to yourself (within the confines of your own mind) in these ways?
I will now make the assumption that if you are reading this article, then you desire to have a loving, supportive relationship with yourself and the people around you. If the five typical strategies are not achieving this objective, then what will?
First, let’s start with a commitment. My husband, Jamie, and I made this commitment first to ourselves, then to each other, and now with our son Bodhi. Try it on for yourself:
I pledge to fully support my unique expression of all I feel and wish to do as I explore the world.
Now how do you do this on a practical basis? Here’s a radically simple idea. Instead of denying, rationalizing, fixing, running, victimizing… how about accepting your emotions? Simply allow yourself to feel them. Doesn’t this possibility allow you to breathe a little?
Since this method probably hasn’t been modeled to you, I’ll break it down a little further. When you or someone you know is experiencing emotion:
- Listen: Listen carefully without the need to respond. Truly hear what is being “said” in your body, in your mind, or by the person who is confiding in you.
- Acknowledge: Acknowledge that you have heard your/their problem, desires, or emotions with a simple “Hmmm… I see… Uh-huh.”
- Describe: Describe the feeling simply. “That sounds…” For yourself, you can name how it feels in your body (i.e. My shoulders are tense) and notice what thoughts are going through your mind (i.e. I can’t believe I did that again).
Finally, after the emotion has passed through you, take the time to explore what triggered the emotion in the first place. Have awareness about the preceding thoughts in your mind. Explore whether these beliefs, stories, and agreements are part of a pattern from your past. Just observing these underlying causes of your emotional reactions will cause them to shift.
The results? We often fear that if we give ourselves permission to recognize emotions that this will just increase their intensity, get bigger, or more out of control. In reality the opposite is true. When you acknowledge and allow a feeling, you give it permission to pass through you (or another). If there is no resistance, then there is nothing to push against. What a radical idea.
So what would this world be like if we began cheering for all emotions, both within ourselves and with others? Yeah anger! Yeah sadness! Yeah for joy! Come on out! (Of course, as adults, we can also indulge in our emotions so have awareness if this is your pattern.) From what I’ve observed, when you start engaging your emotions in this innovative way, you support your body, clean your mind, and give Life an opportunity to flow through you in surprising ways. Plus, you just feel better. Try it out for yourself, your partner, or your children and get back to me with the results of your own field research.
Since the arrival of her son, Bodhi, Meghan McChesney Gilroy has been dispatched to do field research on how parents respond to emotion in young children and how this creates our response to our own emotion as adults. Bodhi, now almost two, freely shares his emotion in many ways including temper tantrums in stores – as well as in words such as “Bodhi frustrated. Bodhi very sad.” or “Bodhi happy now!” Meghan does her best to respond to all his emotion with a resounding “Horray!”
» Comments (0)