Inspiration
By Grace Sardonicus
- Saturday, February 28th, 2009
When I was a teenager I yearned to be understood and more so, to understand what my part is on planet Earth. At 18 years young, I went to college in Tucson, Az, far from my home in search of who I am. I struggled with the feelings of dissatisfaction and an intense ache in my heart. I yearned to express this sensation that rumbled in my gut. I wasn’t raised religiously so God was not part of my vocabulary though I felt a sense of spirit, an inner connection to life. What was it that kept driving me towards spirit? What was it that drove me to persist with passionate tenacity and dedication to be so driven to overcome my pained, broken heart? Deep inside, through all of my life sufferings, a flame burned in my heart, a flame of faith, courage and hope.
After 30 years of thorough inquiry, beginning with my childhood to the natural passage of college and marriage, parenting has by far been the most rigorous training of my life. No matter what obstacles have been placed before me, that flame has never been extinguished. It is my love. It is my inspiration. It is the innocent wondrous child inside my heart that dances and sings. It is the nurturing Mother that looks into her newborns eyes’ with astonishment at the miracle of life that she bore. And the deep satisfaction of witnessing my grown children picking themselves up with grace and ease.
Now, with all but one of my 6 children on their own (well, are they ever really?) gone through a divorce and reclaimed my divine essence & sense of self worth, I am so happy and grateful for all of my life. All of the traumas of my childhood including divorced parents and a Father who disowned me and my 2 brothers for 15 years; 20 years of a tumultuous, intense marriage which included a powerful experience of love and magic enveloped by 6 magnificent children with exquisite, compassionate hearts.
Each day I welcome the opportunities that are bountiful and light my way home into my heart. With gratitude, I serve life from my heart to yours, giving back the flame of life that light’s my way with faith, love, joy, courage and hope.
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