Archive for September, 2008
If You Were A Light Where Would You Shine?
By Jamie Gilroy
- Monday, September 29th, 2008
As with most Americans (and more likely most of humanity) I’ve been watching the financial turmoil over the past few weeks pretty closely. I don’t claim to understand its intricacies or even the best course to chart to find a way out of it. Was it a bad thing the market plunged 777 points today because the House of Representatives failed to pass the bail out proposal? Was it scary? Are the implications and repercussions yet to be fully experienced? I don’t really know. As I mentioned I’m no expert on the economy. But I do know a thing or two about CRISIS. And isn’t that what we’re supposedly in right now? That’s the word being used over and over again to describe how people are feeling. In crisis.
When I review my half century on this planet I see many similarities in my own experience to the economic shakedown happening now. So many times in the past I made choices that were not necessarily the best choice long term and suffered greatly when it came time to face that choice. I am talking financially here. I would get over extended and then have to get bailed out. From a place of desperation I begged help from the outside sources – family, friends, business associates. I never made the connection to being bailed out until many years later. It facilitated me repeating the same behavior that put me in the pickle in the first place. Live beyond my means, get bailed out, give lip service to repentance, repeat step one. (Please, please, please do not think me so simple minded that I neglect to acknowledge the real hardships faced by many humans as a result of this current situation – I absolutely do – but let me continue knowing that). So what happened?
Well one day I woke up to see that geez – I created the same situation I’d been creating for many years – look at that! Then I had a bit of an epiphany. I made the connection for the very first time that if I created the dire circumstances I was presently facing, then I MOST CERTAINLY could un-create them. No bail out required, no benevolent hand reaching down to wipe away my pain, no begging, cajoling, pleading required. Just the simple profound realization that I had the power to create in a new way.
Ok, I’m not talking $7b large. But I am talking about “reality”. I was in trouble not that long ago. I made a shift in my awareness – meaning I made a new choice of how to interpret things – and everything shifted. The debt shrank and eventually disappeared by my own doing. The perception of abundance changed too. I saw there were other things that brought happiness to my life besides the acquisition of money or nice things. A word trickled into my consciousness and as a result my every day vernacular. Ready?
Gratitude. Yep. No matter what showed up for me, I was grateful. And slowly, gradually, eventually the things that showed up no longer became “good” things or “bad” things – they became a chance to get to know myself better. Better how you ask? Sure. Better because I no longer REACTED to things. I felt them in my hands and feet. In my belly. I breathed them in, and exhaled them. I didn’t run out of fear from any of it. And what happened? Bamboo happened that’s what.
Bamboo? If you’ve ever seen bamboo growing it’s pervasive and it spreads like the weed it is. That was gratitude for me. It had a life of its own. Before I knew it things I would have deemed disastrous in the past I think of with a sense of gratitude now. A major crisis? Another shot at gratitude.
Who am I to know what lesson is be gained through the challenges in my life? Would I be the same man I am today without them? Doubt it.
So what about this economic crisis we’re in right now as a country and a planet? Maybe it’s something to shake us up. To shift an old model of unhealthy relationships and the way we used to make money into a new improved one. I’d suggest less energy in bailing institutions out and more energy into creating lasting and sustainable connections that are based in the faith and the unlimited power of who we are as individuals and then by default collectively as a civilization.
Maybe in this collapse is the opportunity to rebuild a new structure that has real integrity. I know for me that was the case when my final bailout never came. I learned something about myself that I never had – that I could bail myself out. I don’t posses a crystal ball and I’m glad for that. But I can assure you of this. Check your fear. By all means feel it. Then ask yourself this: what do I want to feel right now (not later)?
If you were a light where would you shine right now?
If you’re struggling for a feeling, or a place to shine try this: GRATITUDE. It will get you through. Let me know how it goes.
With so much respect,
J
Run Fat Boy, Run
By Jamie Gilroy
- Thursday, September 25th, 2008
My apologies in advance to anyone who is offended by this title. But I’m sure you’ll get over it and here’s why. I watched a movie last night by this name. Pretty predictable, sometimes funny story of redemption set in London. The main character is not really fat per se (just a decent paunch), he’s just a slacker who has put his demons out of sight which essentially keeps him from being happy and living the life he wants.
I saw a great deal of my former self in this character and maybe a little residue still there in my current self. Y’all know by now I love stories of redemption and transformation. To me that’s why we’re “here”. Not to live like a rock, static and unchanging (sorry to you rocks out there), but living engaged, flowing and inquisitive and unafraid to shift a point of view or belief (sometimes seemingly as solid as stone).
Without giving away the plot for those of you about to put it at the top of your Netflix cue, a marathon is used as a metaphor for the main characters inability to finish anything. When he is tested he tends to run the other way. How many times have I done the same thing when faced with situations that are unpleasant or choices that no longer feel good? Lots of times, suffice to say. But I’m getting better at letting myself hit the wall so to speak and not feel like it’s insurmountable, or even wondering why I’m still hitting walls after all these years of self improvement. A wall is an opportunity.
So as I watched this movie I was struck by the constant give and take Life offers us. Sometimes it takes things from us and we are devastated. And sometimes a gift is bestowed in the form of a challenge. By accepting the challenge and the gift we get a chance to unveil the real present - a chance to know ourselves better, to bust through that wall and to see that what is on the other side is so much more powerful than the wall itself. With the faith that we have in Life, in ourselves, we get better at finding our stride and maintaining it. And when we don’t find our stride – like this week for me (sore back, sore shoulder, bad cold, and not at all into working) – we’re ok with the chance to say alright, I can deal with this right now. It’s not forever and it’s not the end of the world.
Like running a marathon, there will be moments that feel really difficult. Yet by putting one foot in front of the other the finish line is reached. I know, I know this sounds like pablum, but sometimes those simple truths are there for a reason – they make sense. This week has been tough for me. Yet if I listen to what my body is saying and really listen, then I’ll rest. I won’t get everything done I wanted to. I won’t be the Johnny-on-the-spot general contractor. I won’t ride my bicycle this week. Instead I might even sleep during the day. Oh well.
You know what? I’m still in the race. I’m just pausing. Taking stock and listening. And best of all I’m not running the other direction.
Ok I gotta say it again. Run fat boy, run.
Have a great Thursday. And enjoy the run!
J
Nick
By Jamie Gilroy
- Monday, September 22nd, 2008
18 years ago today Nicholas Kai Gilroy entered the world. I remember that day like it just happened. He was born at home, with the mid-wife missing in action, and me having just arrived from working on a carpentry project that Saturday. After timing his mother’s contractions I figured I still had the opportunity to shower and shave and welcome our baby without the days dust on me. Barely out of the shower and half shaved, he started to emerge! I had no time to think about what was happening – he was ready to be born. Thank god I watched all those birthing videos in our Bradley class of Peruvian women popping out children and then going back to work. Easy right? I’ll never forget that moment as he slid into my hands and then gently onto our bed and the wonder in my voice as I said “it’s a boy”.
And what a boy he was and now I can say what a man he is! Nick is a total joy and always has been. An amazing companion; a kind and thoughtful son. Funny, beautiful, smart, driven, helpful, loyal, athletic, spiritual and real. The total opposite of me at 18 years old thank goodness. It’s like he filtered out all the bad choices and distilled all the smart choices into living an amazing dream called his life.
His mother & I split up when he was 5 and for a time my world was very dark without him in it on a daily basis. At age 8 he came to live with me permantly. For the next 6 years he was my constant companion and my fellow adventurer. He watched me go through a number of relationships. He saw me fall. He watched me get up again. He accompanied me on a spiritual quest to California and was more adaptable that I could have ever imagined. We had the best time together out there and both grew from the experience. Nick learned through my travails how to transform the things in a life that are no longer working and to do so without tremendous drama. I believe his witnessing his father go from devastation to real happiness inspired him. It modeled for him a way to be and he has taken that baton and gone even further with it at such a young age.
I understand all parents are supposed to be proud of their children. That’s natural. But if you met Nick you would immediately see how special he is. I certainly don’t take credit for that – he deserves that. Yet I do know he is loved wherever he goes. From his Russian family – his mom and step father, half sisters, grand parents, extended family all now in Italy, to my side of the family – my mom and brothers, Bodhi, and Megs family too. It seems everywhere he lands is home. He is truly blessed.
So Nick, happy birthday. It is an important one. May you continue to evolve and expand as a human being. May you continue to make good choices. And when you don’t may you modify without too much drama. May your dreams become real. May you always love yourself and attract love to you.
I am beyond proud to be your father. My love for you is limitless.
Dad
PS-Check out his website: www.nickgilroy.com
Tom Brady & Thulsa Doom
By Jamie Gilroy
- Monday, September 8th, 2008
“Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night.”
For those of you who live in New England you might have an inkling of what those words mean. Thulsa Doom said them to Conan after he was discovered at the Mountain of Power. Yesterday the Boston sports world went suddenly dark with one misplaced tackle on Tom Brady’s left knee.
It was amazing to watch the collective breath of football fans held while awaiting word on Tom’s knee. Both those who love him and those who find him an adversary. Without a doubt a great athlete was dealt an untimely and disappointing blow. His season is over. The world went dark for Patriots fans.
And yet as I have spoken of in many of these blogs Life is full of opportunities. All I could think of when I heard the news was how many of them there are.
Check it out:
For Tom it’s a chance to see how he handles an injury that will keep him from what he loves for this year. How will he handle that reality, what stories will his mind tell him, what kind of beliefs will manifest in his dealings with the media, fans, and teammates? (Is this the end of my career? Will I be as good again? etc.)
For his team it’s a chance to see that football is in fact a team sport. It takes 11 players from each team to play the game. Sure one player can create an impact but is it all about him? No it’s about the chemistry of all 11 players. So the entire Patriots organization has an opportunity to pull together, re-focus and keep showing up to play the game. Just keep showing up for Life.
For the fans it’s an opportunity to see football is just a game. A dangerous game and a thrilling one no doubt. But why stop rooting for your beloved team? Why not have faith and cheer harder? Things happen that are unexpected in games as in Life. Adjust and keep playing, keep moving, keep living. Keep the Faith.
Modify. Adjust. Take the opportunity as a gift. Or not. But the choice still is yours. Sure life dealt a bummer. But maybe that bummer turns into a blessing.
Tom if you’re listening – get down off the Tree of Woe. Go toss a football to your son (gently though). Enjoy this down time. Maybe read the Four Agreements again. Maybe find the open door in front of you…
Blessings to you and yours.
J
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