Archive for May, 2008
The Last Buffalo
By Jamie Gilroy
- Saturday, May 31st, 2008
Many years ago I lived in brick building on the corner of Second Avenue and 4th Street in Greenwich Village. I was living there with three dancers from NYU. It was a magical time. It was a time when possibility ran through my veins. It was a time when Life was a merry-go-round. Once on all control was lost and once off the dizziness was overwhelming. It was a time of pushing boundaries and struggling to gain awareness.
In other words it was raw. The scrapes and bruises were real – and I gave as good as I got. 20 years old and living large as possible. In those days my mind was into Lao Tzu and Herman Hesse and Buddhism and the chivalry of martial arts. We ate Szechuan food almost nightly and drank red wine on the stoops. We threw parties and stayed up all night watching the lights go out in the street as the sun came up over the East River.
Yet in my heart I was a spotted pony running across the prairie. The city was not my home. Too much humanity packed too tightly and not enough nature to keep it real. I had moved to NYC from Montana. And I missed the silence and solitude of the big sky state. I loved the idea of being merged with the earth. To me back then the Native Americans embodied that ideal. I wished I had lived in that time when there were no roads except that which a man created in his desire. The land was wide open, the earth full of life and alive. In a way I was trying to live in both worlds while living in the Village.
One afternoon lying in bed after making love with one of the dancers I fell asleep and into a dream. In this dream Manhattan was all overgrown. The yellow cabs were all gone and the trucks as well. The buildings were all empty. I didn’t see any people on the sidewalks. I was standing under the arch in Washington Square park looking north up Fifth Avenue. I could hear a faint rumble in the distance. As I peered up Fifth Avenue I could make out shapes coming towards me. The noise got louder and approaching me was a huge herd of buffalo. They were stampeding down the avenue towards the park. As they moved the vibration was so great that the buildings crumbled as the herd passed leaving huge dust clouds in their wake.
I awoke suddenly and felt out of breath. My girlfriend was staring at me. She asked me what was wrong. She said I had a wild look in my eyes. I started to cry, slowly at first, one tear at a time, then I began sobbing. I’m sure she thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I felt like my heart was breaking. I was trying to say something through my grief. Suddenly I blurted out that they killed all the buffalo. That all the buffalo were gone and were never to return. Now I know my girlfriend was concerned by the look in her eyes. But to her credit she just gathered me up in her arms and held me for a long time while I cried and cried about the buffalo and their untimely demise.
To this day I don’t know why I reacted like that except to say it felt like a memory of a time long ago. It felt like a crack in my soul that light flooded into.
In to a place where I had never been or seen before. My heart softened that day in a place of concrete and steel. It felt like compassion.
It felt like after a hard rain and the sun breaks free. Everything all sparkly and clean.
That warm remembrance of a time gone by…
Thanks for reading.
J
Winds of Change
By Jamie Gilroy
- Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
A friend sent out today a beautifully written though very intense missive about our nation’s addiction to our current way of life – namely our perpetual thirst for oil and our rampant consumerism.
(Check it out: http://www.spiritrecovery.blogspot.com/ “The Game is up”). Nicely written Lee.
It got me to thinking about the ways in which we resist change, or in some cases welcome change. What’s the dynamic? What determines why we would resist or why we would embrace that simple word? Change. The American Heritage dictionary on my desk lists 7 different definitions which in my interpretation all boil down to mean – ain’t nothing staying the same baby. Change.
What does that word elicit inside each of us? What emotions does it give rise to? What happens when our beloved says “it’s time for a change?”, our boss calls us in and informs us of a “change coming?” What happens when Life let’s us know in usually not so subtle terms it’s time for a change? Why do we so often go kicking and screaming? What if the change that was about to occur was actually for the better? What if our experience was somehow going to be enhanced? Would we still cling so tightly to the way it is? Maybe not.
Why do we when all the signs are signaling it’s time for a change do we not follow them? Sometimes it’s our bodies letting us know something’s no longer right. And yet once we’re feeling better we go right back to the same old habit. Maybe it’s a relationship that isn’t feeling safe anymore and yet we keep playing there. Why do we so adamantly avoid change? What are we afraid of?
Is it a lack of alternatives? Maybe we know no other way. Maybe the known path even with all its inherent pitfalls is more comforting than taking a leap into the unknown. Maybe that new path is too frightening to contemplate.
For me, change has become like a dear old dependable friend. There to encourage me when needed, challenge me when I’m stuck, and to offer an alternative point of view when I’m hopeless. By now I’ve learned to welcome change. It’s never let me down.
So maybe now it is time to change our attitude. To change our point of view. To see in what way can we make a difference in the quality of Life we are living. Maybe we drive our cars less. Maybe the next acquisition isn’t about something we buy but something we feel. Maybe we are a little more patient with strangers. Maybe we laugh more with those we love. Maybe we believe in ourselves again. Wow, can you imagine?
The wind is blowing. Do you feel it? Change is gonna come. I plan to embrace it.
And you?
J
Small Dreams, Little Manifestations
By Jamie Gilroy
- Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
I’ve been observing the way I create lately and wondering why it’s on such a small scale. I’m not talking about the day to day creations, but the big picture creation. And no I don’t mean the “five year plan” or “ten year plan”. I mean the overall creation of the way I so strongly desire to live.
I put so much attention on those things I believe I need in the moment as if they’re a cure-all salve for my yearnings. And to some degree they are. But the real yearning encompasses all of the smaller yearnings and if I would only put my attention on that bigger picture desire I would ultimately be so much happier. For example how many of us think like this: if only I had a better job, or better car, or better relationship, or a better wardrobe, or a better motorcycle, I would finally be happy. I know my mind works in this way. It tricks me into thinking if I acquire one more “thing” I’ll attain that elusive serenity and peace of mind. In actuality I desire even more things after satisfying the original desire.
What about taking all that energy and focusing it on the most expansive desire we could conjure. What if all that beautiful energy went towards creating the most magnificent no-holds-barred dream for ourselves and humanity? In whatever way that expression may be for us, in whatever way we conceive of it? I’m not talking about the dream others projected on us. I’m talking about blowing away all the limiting beliefs that we personally have or that society says is possible and knowing deep inside that we are capable of manifesting whatever we desire. What’s holding us back? What’s holding me back?
What I observe in myself is I’m ok with the little intents, with the small dream of Jamie and his capabilities. Once upon a time I felt deep inside it was impossible to own my own home. I literally thought I would never achieve that. Now I write this blog from this large beautiful house that I own in a wonderful seaside community. How did this happen? I simply challenged that place inside of me that doubted. That place of limitation that was so ingrained in me.
Yet I still see that limitation exists in me. I’m content with dreaming the next construction project to get us by, to keep my crew busy. I’m happy trying to manifest another motorcycle which will go faster and farther. Yet I’m not addressing the real desire I have. The real dream of freedom and abundance. It’s not abundance if we have to borrow money to finance a desire. It’s not abundance to have to keep working hard to pay the bills. A million small desires satisfied doesn’t equal freedom.
I want to stop the little dreaming. I want to say adios to all the small manifestations.
I desire so strongly to dream big and watch the grand manifestation unfold…
To be so much more expansive than I believe possible.
And then share that with so many….
Giant steps taken. Giant manifestation gained.
Be big now. Let yourself dream as big as you dare. What do we have to lose?
J
Milestones
By Jamie Gilroy
- Tuesday, May 20th, 2008
Lots been going on as of late. I feel like I’ve been neglecting the blog recently, but not for lack of things to say. Just getting my ass down in front of the computer and pounding the keys…so bear with me the next few days. I’ll get myself back up to speed again.
Last night I witnessed a milestone. Today I had the good fortune to witness another. Both amazing achievements, both equally inspiring. And both a huge part of being alive and human.
Last night I attended the Red Sox game with Meg & Rita. We were treated to a once in a lifetime pitching performance by Jon Lester the 24 year old southpaw who recently beat cancer and resumed his pitching career. The energy in the park was electric from the 7th inning on. Each pitch had the crowd on their feet – including Megs & Rita who know little or nothing about baseball. It was one of those moments we humans participate in that is remarkable and timeless.
The other inspiring milestone was watching Bodhi begin to walk. To leave behind the comfort of moving on all fours, to completely walking unassisted. I know it’s something we all learned to do at one time in our development. To witness it again in my 1 year old son moved me.
There is this innate desire to evolve, to succeed, to master our world that exists in all humans. To push ourselves through the known and into the unknown. To take a giant step into the future of capability.
I saw a baseball player expand into another realm of possibility. I saw my son do the same thing on a different, albeit smaller scale.
Both humans stepping into their world completely without question.
Go on, go take your own steps too. Enjoy the experience of being limitless…
J
Contraction Expansion
By Jamie Gilroy
- Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
I was emailing a friend today about buying a couple of sport touring motorcycles for a trip we were planning in the fall and I noticed in our numerous exchanges that there was a feeling of contraction in what he was saying. He made a few references to the economy being down, and people selling their “toys” first in an economic downturn – those non essential things that men acquire. Boats, motorcycles, snow mobiles, fast cars, etc. My friend was suggesting that his funds were tight and if he were to buy a bike it should be a short sale from someone needing quick cash. I know that his net worth far exceeds mine and I wondered about the difference between contraction and expansion. That got me to thinking about the experience we create inside ourselves.
Why did I feel the complete opposite of contraction? I had this really expansive feeling about what was happening both economically and personally for me. I could feel the momentum steadily build inside of me. The more expansive I felt the more expansive I thought and the more expansive I thought the more I relaxed and open I was to the total abundance of Life all around me.
Today I delivered three proposals for work I had priced and rode the Triumph to my meetings. The sky was cobalt blue, the sun brilliant and warm. The waves along the shore line were white and powerful. I could feel this incredible energy build during the day. And I could see the way we create our experiences for ourselves.
Contraction leads to more contraction. When I feel that tightness I feel the Life force constricted.
Expansion feels more natural in my body. The blood fills my veins and flows. The mind slows down and can see more clearly…
Kinda like twisting a throttle versus putting on the brakes…
Be well, be safe, and be expanded. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Yeah, that’s it.
J
“It’s Ok”, Bob
By Jamie Gilroy
- Monday, May 12th, 2008
Tonight I was thinking about signs. In the regular world signs are there to help us navigate. No Left Turn. Stop. One Way Do Not Enter. In another world there are different signs. A world not so obvious. But still there to assist us in finding our way.
There are signs that let us know on a deeper level that everything is ok. I have always been noticing those different signs and seeking their meaning. Those signs are there to guide us on an inner level. I call them the invisible signs. They are literally invisible if you’re not ready to see them. When you are ready to see them and you do they expand your mind. They blow us away. They break the hold of the ordinary signs and launch us into trusting what we see on an intuitive level.
“It Was Meant 2 Be”. I remember walking along the street and finding this small one inch by two inch rubber sign in the gutter. At the time I was dating a woman off and on and took this as a sign that we should be together permanently. I really thought I knew the signs meaning and that it meant we were to be together for a very long time. Little did I know that it was in fact meant to be that I would be tested in a way I never imagined. The signs we see in the regular world mean what they intend. Yield means yield. No parking means don’t park there. It was meant 2 be wasn’t exactly that. It was a sign that helped me understand myself in a new way. That relationship ended a short time later and I was devastated. Yet I grew and evolved in such a beautiful way. Maybe that was meant 2 be.
I have witnessed a dear friend dramatically expand from never believing the signs, or needing a billboard size sign to really believe what she saw, to acknowledging all the signs regardless of size and not missing one of them. She shared an amazing story with me the other day.
Her beloved had passed away very suddenly and she was asking, pleading really, for a sign to help her through her grief. As she walked into a department store to look for something to wear to his funeral she looked up to see a huge banner covering the entire back wall of the store. She gasped as she read this sign. It said “It’s OK”. Bob. Her beloveds name was Bob.
The signs are always there. Always. The message is always there. Notice. Open. Believe. Trust. Surrender. See the signs. Know their meaning. Or not.
They are all around us. All the time.
Divided Highway Ends.
No U Turn…
J
To What End?
By Jamie Gilroy
- Friday, May 9th, 2008
I have a really cool friend. His name is Mitch. I call him Doc cause he’s a chiropractor. I also call him Moshe because he’s Jewish. He’s like that old rabbi who has a twinkle in his eye and a wisdom that runs deep. Mitch isn’t old yet though. He’s a few years younger than me. We have been friends for about 16 years. A long time ago he helped me to integrate a valuable tool into my life. I have been using this tool recently with my business.
On this particular Saturday years ago Mitch and I planned to get together for lunch. Just before the appointed time he phoned and mentioned a long time client just called looking to get adjusted right away. Although Mitch’s office was closed he lived nearby and agreed to meet the client. I was annoyed and said so. I suggested he tell the client he was busy and they could meet later. Mitch very patiently replied that he wanted to help this client to feel better and we could meet afterwards. I was still pissed (why I can’t imagine now – seems pretty insignificant. But that’s a window into who I was back then…a bit of an ass).
Later that day when we got together Mitch explained his point of view. He mentioned how this client had been calling for impromptu appointments for years and was always very appreciative. Mitch would always accommodate this client. He knew that we could get lunch afterwards or if that didn’t work out meet later that day. I still was trying to satisfy my need to be right and asked him why not just tell the client the same thing he just told me? He smiled that sagely smile and said, “to what end”? It was one of those moments I’ll always remember. My whole attitude shifted. You know those times in your life when you get a little crack in your awareness? This was one of those. Yeah, exactly! To what end?
In the past I’ve had some clients that for whatever reason just were not happy with me. There was a time when I would have fought their judgments, negotiated around their requests, taken exception to their unhappiness. Then there are other clients who change their minds a lot about what they want. And other clients who want to meet in the evening or on a weekend. I used to have an attitude about that. When I apply the Wisdom Of Moshe I smile and ask: to what end?
Maybe someone cuts you off on your way to work. Maybe a customer is rude to you. Maybe your spouse forgot to put away the dishes. Maybe the repair shop doesn’t have your car ready yet. Maybe your mother just called and asked you the same thing she asked you yesterday. Now before you react to any of this I want you to ask yourself a couple of really simple questions.
Am I able to not react?
Will I actually be happier if I do react from a place of anger/frustration/revenge/fear?
And if I do react, what are the consequences? Do I really want to go there?
Then ask yourself one more question.
To what end? Think about it – that simple question can turn a whole situation upside down and backwards. When I ask that question I always get clarity and a sense of well being.
See how easy it is?
Thank you Moshe my own personal rabbi . You’re a real mensch!
J
Another Day, Another Ride
By Jamie Gilroy
- Thursday, May 8th, 2008
And yes I learned another really valuable lesson today. It was a lesson I get to learn over and over: another day, another opportunity for a new point of view.
This afternoon I got to play on that other wheeled transport of mine – the bicycle. I could feel the pull to get out on the road and pedal myself silly. It was crazy windy out but for a change I didn’t care. I settled into a nice easy warm up and my mind was calm and relaxed. It felt good to experience a totally different state of mind than 2 days ago on my guilt trip.
And that got me to thinking how amazing our innate state of being is. It is like a muscle that with some training gets used to functioning on a certain level, vibrating on a certain frequency of equanimity and happiness. Since I have made the conscious choice to devote my life to keep evolving in awareness, that muscle memory makes it easier to find a place of contentment. It remembers. Do you know what I mean?
I picked up Andrew at his house and we took an easy spin around Old Town and settled in a nice cadence. We got to talking about the way people treat each other and how we can get tweaked by another person’s attitude. We talked about not taking things personally. I mentioned the huge ah-ha moment for me being when I finally took full responsibility for that amazing experience called My Life.
We pedaled along for an hour this way talking and enjoying the pace. I smiled thinking how good it felt to be free in that moment. No guilty story. Just present and accounted for. Riding with a friend on a warm spring day.
Just another day and another ride.
See you out there.
J
Guilt Trip
By Jamie Gilroy
- Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
I learned a really valuable lesson today. It was a lesson I thought I had mastered and put behind me forever. Apparently not.
This past weekend we went to Maine to stay at a client’s beautiful home on the coast. Meg, Bodhi, Rita and Ed drove up early Friday and I followed a few hours later on the Triumph after I wrapped up work. I had checked the weather forecast for the weekend and took the chance that they were wrong (it’s New England remember? Wait 5 minutes and it will change). The ride up on Friday was cold and misty, but no rain. Saturday and Sunday however were a different story. It rained both days and by the time we had to leave on Sunday I made the call to ride home with Megs & Co. and leave the motorcycle in the garage in Maine. I figured I’d come back up later in the week when the weather was better and ride home enjoying it. The clients rent their house out on weekends so I wasn’t keen on leaving the bike up there indefinitely. You get the idea, right? Take a half day mid-week and enjoy the slow way home along the ocean. I’m my own boss right?
Well that word “enjoy” was absent today. I caught a ride up with the client who owned the home this morning. That part worked out fine. My business has me very occupied with writing proposals and managing my crew on the 3 or 4 projects we have going on. Right now I have four jobs on my desk that need to be priced, with one that I promised the client I would have ready for tomorrow. My days are very full yet I usually welcome the chance to take a mental break. Somehow today was different. The guilt trip had begun.
I couldn’t shake the voice in my head telling me I “should” be working. My guys are out there working hard, what about me? I should be in the office not out joyriding. How am I going to get all this work done? Certainly not by riding my motorcycle along the coast of Maine. What if clients call me while I’m riding? Should I park my truck somewhere else besides in front of my office? You have a client moving in Thursday and you don’t have your C of O. Isn’t it selfish to take this time off? I felt like a fugitive from my business.
Like a tape looped and running continuously I listened to it all day long. I stopped for coffee before I got on the road and couldn’t sit still and enjoy the sunshine and quiet moment. So I suited up threw out my half finished coffee and started the trip home. Except it really was the guilt trip home. The whole ride I kept pressing to hurry up. I found myself impatiently passing the slow cars and not really seeing and experiencing the beauty around me. Pressing, pushing, moving forward further into my trip, seeing less and less as I rode home.
By the time I got home without stopping I was cooked. Not from the ride. I love the feeling of being on a motorcycle. It exhilarates me. The feeling I had when I wheeled up to the house was serious exhaustion. My mind had taken over the ride. My body obediently followed. It amazed me when I finally realized how un-present I had been all day and how hell bent I was on making me pay for my choice to take time off. I didn’t think I still had that link to guilt inside me. I figured I was done with wasting my energy that way. But I clearly saw how I didn’t resolve the decision to take 5 hours and enjoy the brief respite from work. By not resolving it right away I opened the door for guilt to sneak in and sabotage a beautiful day. Work my dear friends will always be there. Seventy degree sunny days on a motorcycle might not be…
So today I took a guilt trip.
Next time I’ll take a different trip. My inner travel agent will make sure I choose better.
Keeping the rubber side down, and the eyes wide open…
J
I Change My Thoughts, I Change the Emotional Quality of My World
By Rita Rivera Fox
- Sunday, May 4th, 2008
Mastering life is the process by which we become aware of how thought and belief have the power to manifest. We can begin practicing self awareness by observing the thoughts and beliefs that we are using to create the interpretation of what the world brings us. After all, thoughts and beliefs are the raw material we use to craft our daily experience of life. While a thought is not real and it does not have substance, it is still very powerful. Choosing which thoughts we will continue to support or which thoughts we begin to challenge is the first step in crafting our lives as a masterpiece of art.
As we perceive the world, it might seem as though the world determines how we will interpret what we are experiencing. This is an erroneous belief. By taking responsibility for choosing how you perceive and interpret the world at large is a big step in changing the quality of your life. The power comes from the choice. But how can we begin to exercise this power? Learning to choose a new interpretation of events in your life is where practicing the art of choice becomes most apparent and the rewards are the greatest.
We have accepted many collective agreements about how an experience should be interpreted. All we have to do is look to the media, conversations with co-workers, family or friends, and there are ready-made interpretations of everything that is going on in our lives – with both personal and global events. Opinions are freely shared. Soon we are agreeing with how someone else is seeing an event without ever asking ourselves “Is this how I see this situation? Is there another way to interpret this? Does the way I’m looking at this circumstance contribute to creating happiness and overcoming fear in my life?”
These collectively shared interpretations often come from a very limited and fearful point of view. These days there is much uncertainty in the events of the world – war, hurricanes, rising gas prices. And that uncertainty is creating a lot of fearful stories and reactions. If we respond with fear to what is happening globally, we are not making the best choice on our own behalf. When we create fearful conclusions and stories to what we are presented with, we give this type of energy to our lives. This energy creates the emotional quality that then colors our existence. Our combined fearful responses have the power to manifest the very circumstances that frightens us. The results are that we feel helpless and powerless in a constantly changing world. This is how we lose our happiness.
The power to challenge the interpretation of what our mind says about current events, whether personal or global, comes from exercising the power of choice. First, we use our awareness to see how we are interpreting an event. If the story we choose creates anxiety or distress in the body, or steals our happiness, we can decide to withdraw our agreement and support of it. Consciously choosing our interpretation means that we begin to challenge the old existing points of view. These old points of view usually reflect our lack of faith in the divine order of life or our lack of faith in our own resilience. By making an active choice about how we want to tell our story actually changes the quality of our life experience.
- To re-interrupt simply means to ask yourself a few important questions. In other words, you question that voice of authority in your head.
- What is the story you are telling? How are you interpreting what is happening now (or what had happened before)?
- Can you believe that this is absolutely true?
- How does it make you feel?
- What if you don’t believe your interpretation? How do you feel then?
Taking a few moments to become aware of what is going on in the internal dialogue in our minds, and then questioning that dialogue to see if a new choice or interpretation is possible, results in shifting our awareness. The simple action of consistently observing the process of thinking will begin to transform the way we think. This then results in a new experience, or sensation in our bodies – potentially one of more peace, joy, and happiness.
Emotions that enhance our experience of life come from our truest, most authentic self. This is the part of us that is accessed when we rely less on thought and more on feeling. Love, or the experience of being one with what created us, results in an enhanced emotional experience of life. We are interacting with that force all the time. What brings us our greatest happiness is our allowing that love to have a clear channel to flow out of us and into the world that we are creating. This is only possible when we challenge our fearful stories and choose to not believe everything we think. While we may not have control over the events occurring in the outer world, we certainly do have the ability to choose our response to it with awareness.
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