In the Moment of How
By Meghan McChesney Gilroy
- Thursday, April 17th, 2008
We all have had them. Those days (weeks or months) when you are trying to do two (or more) activities at once, when you feel like you are being pulled in two (or more) directions at once, when it’s the end of the day and you have no idea where it went.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. By mid-afternoon, I was cranky. Cranky over interruptions from people I love. Cranky from having to deal with minor problems. Cranky from not making the time to work on a project that I passionately, purposefully believe in.
As the crank developed into a funk, I watched my mind start to question everything currently happening in my life. “What you are meant to be doing? Why aren’t you making the time to work on what matters to you? Why aren’t you living your life in the way you envisioned?”
I felt all the judgment soar to the surface of my consciousness. Judging other people for taking up precious time, judging myself for not doing what I “should” be doing, judging the projects that have to get done but aren’t necessarily what makes my heart sing.
The mental wheels churned, creating a fog. I hardly noticed my husband, my son, the flowers that have poked through the ground within the last 24 hours. I chomped on the “Why aren’t you…?” and “What should you….?” questions for hours.
Then I had an epiphany. What if I stopped debating with myself over what I should or should not be doing? What if I stopped having a judgment that one project was better than another? What if I stopped asking the “why’s” and the “what’s” and started asking “How?”
How do you want to interact with others?
How do you want to feel when you work on this project (or are with someone you love)?
How can you be compassionate, kind, and happy?
This shifted me into The Moment of How. We’ve all heard about “the moment of now” or about “living in the moment.” I’ve heard it so often that it’s lost its meaning to me. Yet when I shifted into The Moment of How – How do I want to feel? How do I want to be? I returned to the present. I remembered that it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. I felt a sense of spaciousness. I could take a deep breath.
All of us have ideas about what we think we should be doing in life. Should I be working at this job or that one? Should I be with this person or be by myself? Should I live here or there? We are constantly judging and comparing our present experience with our concept of our ideal life. Yet how often do we let go of the concept and accept what is present in the moment? How often to we focus on the emotional quality present in all our interactions and doings?
And that lead me into a place of mastery. When I live in The Moment of How, embodying peace, purpose, and passion in each moment, it really doesn’t matter what I am doing. I am fulfilling my Life’s Purpose, which is to be that un-nameable force that permeates everything. My Purpose in Life is not to have a job, or live a certain lifestyle, or play the role of businesswoman, friend, wife, or mother. Life was giving me, just like it gives all of us, another chance to be this truth. Just be. In this space, I am flexible, fluid, open, whole. I am breathing. I am aware. I just am.
And so I relax and let go. From this place I can create in any direction. I can play any role. I can allow Life to flow through me, trusting that all will be taken care of. I remember that there is enough – enough time, enough money, enough resources. I pause and smile and offer thanks. To one small word, “how.”
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