Archive for April, 2008
As You Wish - Part Two
By Jamie Gilroy
- Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
Having given you the evening to digest Part One we’re ready to step out and expand. Now I want to take our new favorite little phrase into a bigger potentially more treacherous arena - relationships. Anyone cringing yet? I can hear all the little voices crying out - “what about me…?” Not to worry. In the end it will all be fine. You’ll be much, much happier. Trust me.
When experiencing the transformation that occurs when we can give the best to ourselves by saying “As you wish” imagine the possibilities when we do that with our beloved. For now I only want to focus on the very close relationships in our lives. (For those of you yearning to be in one of these hang in there - this applies to you as well).
In reviewing my intimate relationships in the past I can see how I always tripped over one very big obstacle. ME. That obstacle was my idea of how things “should be”. I was always so invested in my vision of right or wrong, or the division of labor, or who was in charge, or how the load was distributed, or who was in the lead, or who initiated this or that, or who took out the trash….
Ok you must get the idea. To me being in relationship was way more about keeping Jamie intact, then really opening to the wonder of possibility. Hence my multiple chances at practice. For a thick skulled Aries type practice becomes how we live. Practicing our way through life until by some freakish chance (opportunity/Divine Intervention) we get to stop practicing and get in the game. Let me explain. There is a point coming.
So when I met Meghan things changed immediately. Alright, not first met, but when we “got together” (wink, wink) for the first time I knew right away it was not going be the same old story, it was definitely show time. No more rehearsals and playing with keeping my idea of how things should be intact. I tried something else for a change. And god knows how I came to this, maybe I had recently just watched the Princess Bride with Nick, or maybe I was trying to be clever in the throes of a new relationship. You know all that Aries charm in full swing. But a really odd thing happened. When Meg would ask me if I could do something I began to reply “As you wish”. The first time definitely felt a little bit scary. Yet it was also funny to see what happened. Meg went on her way (I’m guessing she was thinking she hit the lottery with this lug) smiling and happy. And I stood there thinking that wasn’t so bad. I’m still here. The world hadn’t ended. I did hear a tiny voice going “help, what about me…” but I said pipe down and ignored it. Actually I felt quite exhilarated. I was hooked. No matter what Meg asked I said “As you wish” just like Westley said to Buttercup. The more I did it the better I felt, and the best part was I could see the favorable reaction in Meg. The little fissures that show up in relationships from bickering and negotiating never evolved into the San Andreas Fault like they often do. The atmosphere in our relationship was peaceful and harmonious and so much of that had to do with me letting go of my point of view, my hardened sense of identity, and surrendering to that beautiful little phrase. The best part is I still am saying it after all these years and we’re still happy in Love.
As you wish.
Tomorrow Part Three - The Final Leap of Faith.
Until then enjoy the Fire Swamp, and watch out for the R.O.U.S.!
J
As You Wish - Part One
By Jamie Gilroy
- Monday, April 28th, 2008
I want to talk about relationships. My dear beloved friend Stephanie requested that I devote a blog to the topic of relationships so here goes.
I bet many of you have seen the film The Princess Bride - most certainly one of my all time favorite movies. There are so many brilliant aspects to that movie but the one piece I’ve remembered after all these years is the phrase Westley continually replies to Buttercup with: “As you wish”. This is a profound attitude to take. No matter what Buttercup asks of him, Westley always replies, “As you wish”. Imagine how our life would be if we had the daring and faith to live that way like Westley did. In my relationship with Meghan it’s had a magical effect and was there at the very beginning of our togetherness. But I get ahead of myself, first things first.
I can remember when I initially tried out that phrase on myself. It was a little terrifying. Even having the thought to do so was radical, but to actually say to myself - AS YOU WISH! - was groundbreaking. You’re probably thinking who hasn’t said that their whole life? Don’t we all give ourselves the things we want? Not necessarily. Maybe your thinking, isn’t that a selfish way to live? That’s not how I envision it. To really give oneself permission to say “as you wish” and know what’s good for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually is a leap of faith. I’m not talking about going for ice cream, or indulging in things that are short-lived. I’m talking about really letting yourself feel and know what saying that simple phrase will create in your life. It releases the part of us that is called intuition. When we truly follow our intuition we follow a path most certainly less traveled and at times may even feel overwhelming. Trust is the key - trust that we will give ourselves the best - the things that will reflect the best in us and reflect the best around us.
Once I aligned myself and let go in this way it created the potential to interact with others in my life from a whole new perspective. What if I could say to someone close to me “As you wish” and not fear the results? Would I give away my “power” or my “autonomy” by saying that? My experience has clearly and emphatically answered NO! Remember in the movie every time Westley said to Buttercup “as you wish” something wonderful occurred. Maybe it looked like a challenge but the connection between the two of them became stronger each time. This same exact bond can and does occur when we make that pledge to ourselves. We become stronger in the knowledge that we can live by knowing, that we can base our decisions on trust and faith in ourselves and in a simple easy phrase.
As you wish.
Tomorrow Part Two - how to apply this while living with another and still stay sane.
Until then.
J
No Pain No Gain
By Jamie Gilroy
- Friday, April 25th, 2008
Words to live by, no? Well not for me anymore. That used to be my modus operandi (no I am not a masochist). My old story was if I wasn’t in pain then I wasn’t making progress. It amazes me how much I really took that belief to heart. Much of my life has been spent in close relation to pain - whether it was physically through a myriad of accidents, injuries, or operations, or creating emotional pain in my relationships with myself and others. Pain was my friend. We hung out together.
I also prided myself on having a very high pain tolerance. When the relationship to pain becomes as intimate as it did with me, the sensation of pain is virtually welcomed. I got good at concealing pain and just living with it. Over the past 7 or 8 years I have become gradually “pain adverse”. The feeling of pain doesn’t feel as comfortable or as manageable as it used to. I’ve begun to really experience how pleasure feels in my physical and emotional body. It feels really nice.
Pain can also be about boundaries. I’ll give you a good example that happened to me last Tuesday. I went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning. Next life I’m requesting wonderful perfect cavity free teeth. In this life I’m not so lucky. Suffice to say many a dentist has had their fingers in my mouth and it doesn’t bring me joy anymore. So anyway, the hygienist is cleaning my teeth with the spiky pick like instrument probing my gums to see how deep the pockets are. One gum in particular was really tender. I grunted and mumbled that it hurt. (Don’t you get annoyed when with a mouthful of suction devices, tools and fingers dentists think they can carry on a conversation with you?) She kept working it. I asked her to stop. She said she needed to measure the depth and it was for my own health. I explained in a very firm tone that I was there to have my teeth cleaned and if she was going to continue hurting me than I was going to leave.
Now many of you reading this might say “duh”! It’s a no-brainer right to say please stop hurting me? For me it was an epiphany. Normally I would sit there and go through the pain and not say a word. In this case I didn’t feel like being in pain and said so. I felt ecstatic at this simple revelation. I thought back to all the experiences in my life (physical or emotional) that the No Pain No Gain theory was in effect. In so many instances I allowed pain into my life due to a lack of boundaries. What if I made a new choice? What if I said “that hurts, please stop”? Or was the expectation, for whatever distorted reason, to suck it up and take the pain? So much of “being a man” is wrapped around that faulty expectation. Now I make an effort to check in with myself and see how it feels. If it doesn’t feel good I can choose to say no.
I also haven’t given up doing the activities I love (snowboarding, cycling, motorcycling) I now do it without the reckless abandon I used to or without the underlying belief that pain is what I need to experience to feel good. I also have stopped playing in relationships that conjure emotional pain (ok as much as possible - see blog Two Out of Three…). It’s an amazing place to get to after spending so much of my life living the old adage.
I got a new slogan. No Pleasure, No Gain.
Enjoy yourself today!
In light, love, and pain free,
J
The Turtle, the Shepherd, and the Rider
By Jamie Gilroy
- Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
The Turtle woke up this morning feeling a stirring deep in its shell. The warm spring air was finally here and the earth was coming to life again. It had been a long hard winter and it seemed as if it would never leave. Now it finally had and the sun was bright in the empty blue sky.
The Shepherd was scratching at the door. He had a full bladder and needed to pee. Once outside he surveyed the yard, checking all his usual spots and securing the perimeter. His yard was small but occasionally he would get out and take long walks with his owner when the weather got warmer. Today was a good day for a long walk.
The Rider checked his motorcycle over and packed his gear, bringing an extra fleece vest and warm gloves. It was cooler at the coast and he knew that riding at 70 mph the wind would make the air temps brisk until he got inland. Today a long ride was planned, traveling far into the North Country seeking out the back roads and letting the new motor find it’s rhythm during its break in period. The Rider could feel the excitement building as he sat on the bike and adjusted his helmet. A day off on the bike would do his mind, body and spirit good. It had been a never ending winter.
The Turtle knew what to do. Nobody had to tell her. It was a code that had long since been written. Every year it was the same. No variations, no personal interpretations. It did what the turtles before it did for time immemorial. Today would be no different.
The Shepherd had this extra feeling of excitement today. He had more energy than usual, which was a lot to begin with. He picked up his stuffed toy and threw it in the air, grabbed it and shook it violently. Then he ran fast around the confines of the yard. Today was a good day to run.
Once out of the congestion of the towns near his home the Rider could feel the tension dissipate and his body began to feel the connection of the power beneath him. This was how to live he thought; this sweet feeling of movement. The only thing that didn’t relax was his eyes - they kept scanning the pavement ahead and shifting side to side for anything that might affect his trajectory down the road. It was serious business beneath all that joy. The potential hazards were many; a car pulling out in front of him, a rock in the road, a downed tree limb. Pretty much anything that while driving a car might not concern you but for a motorcycle could be potentially lethal.
The Turtle knew it was time to relocate and get ready to bring new life into the world. She began the slow trip from the small pond to the larger marsh area fifty feet away.
The Shepherd watched with disappointment as its owner left for work. No walk this morning, though it looked like the gate was left slightly ajar.
The Rider watched the road ahead of him as the speedometer went from 50 to 60 to 70 to 80 in a heartbeat. The asphalt snaked underneath him weaving and twisting at warp speed. The rider grinned.
The Turtle started to climb the embankment that led to the road. The need to move was automatic and unquestioned. Once across the road the Turtle would be in her nesting grounds.
The Shepherd felt the sun warming his fur. He stood and stretched and went towards the slightly open gate. He nudged it with his nose. Freedom called. He could feel the urge to run fast and far.
The Rider downshifted as he approached a town. Traffic was a heavier here and the speed limit slowed to 35 mph. His awareness was heightened in town - so many objects for the eye to notice and the mind to process.
The Turtle had this one last crossing to make. She left the dusty shoulder and started the final twenty foot journey across the warm asphalt.
The Shepherd looked left and right then sprinted down the sidewalk.
The Rider was almost home. It had been a long but very satisfying day.
The Turtle was almost halfway across.
The Shepherd was finally running free.
The Rider saw the dog fifty feet down the street on his left. Traffic was moving quickly in both directions. The Rider thought it odd the dog was loose and looked anxiously for its owner nearby as he rode past.
The Turtle knew this passage was one that may end suddenly though the rush of the passing cars didn’t dissuade it from continuing.
The Shepherd was frantic now and confused with so many cars passing nearby. He darted left into the traffic flow, crossed the center line, and then into the oncoming lane.
The Rider passed the dog just as it ran across one lane. He quickly looked in his side view mirror to see what came next but a van blocked his view. He didn’t see the dog make it across the other lane and could see the cars further back all stop suddenly.
The Turtle kept moving, almost there, almost there.
The Shepherd was lost in traffic.
The Rider felt the pang of not knowing what happened to the dog. He rounded a bend in the road leaving the town behind and saw something in the opposite lane. It was a turtle. He loved turtles since he was a young boy and would always stop and move them off the road if he could. He went by too fast and the car behind him was too close for the Rider to stop suddenly. He watched as a large SUV approached and he yelled out and frantically motioned for the car to slow down. He turned almost all the way around on his bike and watched the SUV miss the turtle. Then turned back around to see a line of cars approaching the turtle. He felt like he should stop and go back but it was too late - five or six cars had passed by then. He didn’t want to know the outcome.
The Turtle slid down the embankment into the soft mud at the marshes edge. Ahh. Good to be home again she thought and let her legs relax into the cool water.
The Shepherd yelped as the bumper grazed his haunch. He spun slowly on the pavement and came to a stop sitting upright. A human ran over to him and grabbed his collar. The Shepherd licked the human wrist and stood up. He wished he was home again in his yard.
The Rider wondered why he witnessed these two incidents. He felt uneasy about seeing what he did. He prayed that both creatures were alright. He had spent the day in a state of heightened awareness that riding a motorcycle inspires. He felt a connection to his surroundings that being in the sun and wind conjure. He felt a deep happiness. Yet after witnessing what he had he felt unsure and unsettled, like something had been taken from his incredible day. He arrived home pre-occupied and edgy. He was grumpy and short tempered. Not at all how he expected to return to his family.
Later that night after the sun had long since set, the full moon shone a light so bright that all things were illuminated. The mystery of life was revealed, the magic and wonder of being alive was there to be enjoyed for as long as it lasted. What precedes the end of the ride is what matters, not why the ride has to end. All rides will eventually end. How do we plan to be fully part of each moment on every ride we take in Life? How in the midst of so much uncertainty can we find the tranquility and balance that inherently exists in Life itself? The only way is to live it without a doubt.
Tonight the Turtle dreamed. Tonight the Shepherd also dreamed. And on this night the Rider dreamed too of a never ending stretch of road…
Sweet dreams to you all, J
Epitaph (or the final lesson of self importance)
By Jamie Gilroy
- Friday, April 18th, 2008
“Then the prophecies of the old songs have turned out to be true, after a fashion!” said Bilbo.
“Of course!” said Gandalf. “And why should they not prove true? Surely you don’t disbelieve the prophecies, because you had a hand in bringing them about yourself? You don’t really suppose, do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck, just for your sole benefit? You are a very fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I am very fond of you; but you are only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all!”
“Thank goodness!” said Bilbo laughing, and handed him the tobacco-jar.
I wanted to add just a small little something to the blog today before it was over. It’s a gorgeous, warm spring day and I’ve spent the majority of it in my office writing proposals and keeping up with the business. Meg and I plan to take a spin on the Triumph later and I still have a few things left to finish before then. I love this passage from The Hobbit. It sums up my take on self-importance. Which if any of you out there reading this who know me I fall prey to on occasion.
It is after all one of the vestiges of insecurity really, or one of the masks of the “I Am Not”. So I advise you dear reader (and myself) get out and connect to this beautiful day. Don’t take yourself or your situation so seriously. It’s not really that grave. There’s a jewel in each experience we encounter. It’s humility. There’s some sweet aspect of your (our) life that is calling. It’s called innocence. Listen to life bursting forth all around, and then go enjoy it. Be a “little fellow in a wide world after all…”
I plan to.
Love and rpm’s,
In the Moment of How
By Meghan McChesney Gilroy
- Thursday, April 17th, 2008
We all have had them. Those days (weeks or months) when you are trying to do two (or more) activities at once, when you feel like you are being pulled in two (or more) directions at once, when it’s the end of the day and you have no idea where it went.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. By mid-afternoon, I was cranky. Cranky over interruptions from people I love. Cranky from having to deal with minor problems. Cranky from not making the time to work on a project that I passionately, purposefully believe in.
As the crank developed into a funk, I watched my mind start to question everything currently happening in my life. “What you are meant to be doing? Why aren’t you making the time to work on what matters to you? Why aren’t you living your life in the way you envisioned?”
I felt all the judgment soar to the surface of my consciousness. Judging other people for taking up precious time, judging myself for not doing what I “should” be doing, judging the projects that have to get done but aren’t necessarily what makes my heart sing.
The mental wheels churned, creating a fog. I hardly noticed my husband, my son, the flowers that have poked through the ground within the 24 hours. I chomped on the “Why aren’t you…?” and “What should you….?” questions for hours.
Then I had an epiphany. What if I stopped debating with myself over what I should or should not be doing? What if I stopped having a judgment that one project was better than another? What if I stopped asking the “why’s” and the “what’s” and started asking “How?”
How do you want to interact with others?
How do you want to feel when you work on this project (or are with someone you love)?
How can you be compassionate, kind, and happy?
This shifted me into The Moment of How. We’ve all heard about “the moment of now” or about “living in the moment.” I’ve heard it so often that it’s lost its meaning to me. Yet when I shifted into The Moment of How – How do I want to feel? How do I want to be? I returned to the present. I remembered that it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. I felt a sense of spaciousness. I could take a deep breath.
All of us have ideas about what we think we should be doing in life. Should I be working at this job or that one? Should I be with this person or be by myself? Should I live here or there? We are constantly judging and comparing our present experience with our concept of our ideal life. Yet how often do we let go of the concept and accept what is present in the moment? How often to we focus on the emotional quality present in all our interactions and doings?
And that lead me into a place of mastery. When I live in The Moment of How, embodying peace, purpose, and passion in each moment, it really doesn’t matter what I am doing. I am fulfilling my Life’s Purpose, which is to be that un-nameable force that permeates everything. My Purpose in Life is not to have a job, or live a certain lifestyle, or play the role of businesswoman, friend, wife, or mother. Life was giving me, just like it gives all of us, another chance to be this truth. Just be. In this space, I am flexible, fluid, open, whole. I am breathing. I am aware. I just am.
And so I relax and let go. From this place I can create in any direction. I can play any role. I can allow Life to flow through me, trusting that all will be taken care of. I remember that there is enough – enough time, enough money, enough resources. I pause and smile and offer thanks. To one small word, “how.”
Crunch Time
By Jamie Gilroy
- Thursday, April 17th, 2008
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”**
This quote has been like an old friend since I came across it. Someone who’s there to listen and offer a clear reflection, not judgment. Whenever I read this wisdom I feel better and back on track.
These past few days I feel like I’ve been trying to shine but have been running into a wall over and over again and smashing my headlight in the process. My head hurts from doing so. It’s an Aries thing so says Meg. Anyway I’ve been trying so hard to be that light, to shine in my interactions with my world. It’s been a struggle to not react to the situations that have been showing up in my life recently. It is mostly work related (ok all work related) but it is so hard to peel off the work veneer when I am running my own business and it consumes so much of my energy. Thank god for Bodhi. For a few minutes at lunch or at dinner I can connect with his world and his light and it’s truly freeing.
And even in the tremendous stress of the past week (ok months) there have been moments that have surprised me. Having a chance encounter with a client that our relationship ended badly (money owed/work incomplete with lawyers involved). Seeing him with his young son at the lumberyard and shaking his hand while agreeing that we wished things had gone differently and feeling no animosity at all. That was the light. Or having a client meeting with a couple who questioned a subcontractor’s bill and things had gotten very tense for the past month. In the meeting I was amazed at the level of honesty and responsibility that was communicated. I couldn’t help but feel encouraged by humanity through these encounters.
And yet it was the humanity within me that moved me most. The old me in the past would have harbored the “need to be right” or pent up anger and a sense of injustice. It’s so easy to be relaxed and confident when things are going well, when the economy is humming along and fear around money is less prevalent. What amazed me was the light that shined through those interactions reflected a place in me where I too can let go of anger or fear or judgment. Where I too can be powerful and not flee from that power. It’s like the power of a small child playing with their world with complete abandon and being totally present.
What I’ve been missing while ramming my head repeatedly into hard objects was the opportunity that exists in each moment. To let go of what happened an hour ago, or what will happen next week. To be present in each moment, in a way that feels good to me. To keep choosing to be in that light of the authenticity of who I really am. Of whom we all are. Right now’s the time, don’t you agree?
It’s crunch time.
Thanks for reading.
Getting that headlight repaired,
J
** This quote has been attributed to various people so I’d like to say thank you to whoever did first say it.
The Art of Awakening Awareness
By Rita Rivera Fox
- Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
The ancient Toltecs were Master Dreamers. They knew that they were dreaming all the time even when they were awake. They understood that the function of the mind is to dream and that this dream is not real it is only an interpretation of life. The world of form that they saw with their eyes was only one way of perceiving life and there were many other worlds or dreams that were possible to experience in what was not visible with the eyes.
Living in their ancient pyramid city of Teotihuacan in the heart of Mexico, the Toltecs communed with the source of life by going into silent dreaming states deep within their bodies. From this point of perception, they learned that the mind projects images that come from a collective “program” and all humans were programmed the same way. This program does not convey, “life as it is” but rather places conditions, judgments and fear onto life. The humans believed their program was real and began to dream a dream of fear. In other words they fell asleep, even though their eyes were wide open.
The Toltec Master Dreamers were charged with helping their fellow beings awaken to the erroneous nature of the mind and its beliefs. To awaken inside a dream, meant that the world was not always as it seems. They knew it was possible to wake up in the dream and once again experience the truth of being one with all that is. Today, we also have the opportunity to awaken from the dream and live life with eyes and hearts wide open in a state of awakened awareness.
Many people are called today to embark upon a journey of self discovery, one that it is motivated by the desire to live life from a truer and more authentic place – to awaken to a life filled with more happiness and love and with less reaction and fear. This inner desire to ”wake up” is growing in more and more people as they turn within to discover that the belief system is what creates how you perceive the world and us in it. The desire to live life more fully from the heart creates the need to see what the content of our belief system is. You can only create from your beliefs. The beliefs are the raw material of what you manifest in your life. The process begins by becoming aware of the unreal or false nature of the mind and by seeing what you create when you are not in awareness. You can then recognize how your beliefs determine what you create. When you learn the practice of awareness, you can become a powerful co-creator with Life, no longer empowering beliefs that limit and alter your perception of yourself and your abilities but instead making the choices that reflect your infinite nature.
You are creating in every moment. The magic tool you use for creation is the word: the words that you use with yourself and with other people; the words that you use to describe yourselves and the world around you, and words are what your beliefs are made of. Your power to create is so strong that whatever you believe, what you think and speak, comes true. You can put yourselves to sleep with your words or you can inspire yourselves to come to attention with words. Your thoughts are so powerful they have the potential to manifest in whatever direction you choose. It is interesting to discover that your words and the thoughts they convey originate from the beliefs that are behind them. What are the results of your thoughts? This question is easy to answer by simply looking at your personal life and the dream of mankind as you see what is happening in the world around you.
It might seem as though the world determines how you perceive your experiences. This is an erroneous belief. By taking responsibility for choosing how you perceive and interpret the world at large is the first step in changing the quality of your life. Your power comes from choosing what you will believe about any situation. Awareness of the choice you have in how you interpret anything, allows you to no longer be at the effect of life or a victim to what life brings. How can we begin to exercise this power? Learning to choose a new interpretation of events in your life is where practicing the art of awareness becomes most apparent and the rewards are the greatest. You have accepted many collective agreements about how an experience should be interpreted. All you have to do is look to the media, conversations with co-workers, family or friends, and there are ready-made interpretations of everything that is going on in your lives with both personal and global events. Opinions are freely shared. Soon you are agreeing with how someone else is seeing an event without ever asking yourself, “Is this how I choose to see this situation? Is there another way to interpret this? How does the way I am looking at this circumstance contribute to creating happiness and overcoming fear in my life?”
These collectively shared interpretations often come from a very limited and fearful point of view. These days there is much uncertainty in the events of the world - war, extreme weather, unimaginable acts of violence, and threats to the environment. The uncertainty is activating a lot of fearful beliefs and reactions. If you respond with fear to what is happening globally, you are not making the best choice on your own behalf. When you create fearful conclusions and stories to what life is presenting, you give this type of energy to your lives. You create more of the emotional energy that helps to create these situations. This energy creates the emotional quality that then colors your existence. Your combined fearful responses have the power to manifest the very circumstances that frighten you. The results are that you feel helpless and powerless in a constantly changing world and it can seem like a challenge to bring positive change forward in your life.
The power to challenge the interpretation of what your mind says about current events, whether personal or global, comes from exercising the power of choice. First, use your awareness to see how you are interpreting an event. If your story creates anxiety or distress in the body, victimizes you, or steals your happiness, you can decide to challenge that interpretation and change your choice to agree with it or not. Consciously choosing your interpretation means that you begin to challenge the old existing points of view, which then gives you the freedom to consider other ways of looking at the same thing. Shifting your point of view about anything is the process of awakening and expanding awareness. These old points of view usually reflect a lack of faith in the divine order of life or your lack of faith in your own truth. When you make an active choice about what you believe and how you tell the story, the quality of your life experience changes. The more you do this the more you shift the quality of your life attracting more life affirming energy.
You can significantly alter the quality of your life by not only becoming aware of how you interpret global events but by also becoming aware of the beliefs you have about yourself. Everyday we fill our minds with erroneous concepts about ourselves. Often the stories your thoughts create speak of self-rejection and self doubt and drain the joy of living from your hearts. If you believe that you are “less than” someone else or doubt your divine connection, you create a personal reality or dream that reflects this erroneous thinking. The result is you don’t feel so good. Your emotional states are directly related to the thoughts that created them. As you learn to reinterpret your personal stories, you learn to shift the emotions you are creating, and begin to enjoy life as it is, and leave judgment out of your new interpretation.
A shift in your awareness can occur when you take the time to become aware of the internal dialogue in your mind, and then question that dialogue to see if a new choice or another way of looking at the situation is possible. When you do not believe everything you think, you can awaken from a distorted dream, creating an opening to new ways of seeing the world and yourself that can increase the openness of your heart. The simple action of consistently observing the process of thinking will begin to transform the way you perceive. The result of observing will be a new experience, or sensation in your body – potentially one of more peace, joy, and happiness.
Emotions that enhance your experience of life come from your integrity. This is the part of you that is accessed when you rely less on thought and more on feeling. Love, or the experience of being one with what created you, results in an enhanced emotional experience of life. You are interacting with that force all the time. What brings the greatest happiness is allowing life a clear channel to flow through you and out into world, expressing your self as the unique individual that you are. This is only possible when you challenge your fearful and self limiting beliefs and choose to not believe everything you think. While you may not have control over the events occurring in the outer world, you certainly do have the ability to choose your response to it with awareness. What beliefs do you choose to create your life with? What is the emotional quality you choose to bring to your life? Asking these questions can awaken new awareness within you and expand your experience of yourself as a conscious co-creator with Life.
The Grace in All Things
By Jamie Gilroy
- Monday, April 14th, 2008
I love the definitions of grace as offered by the Random House dictionary. There are 11 variations on the meaning each equally evocative of a feeling. All paying homage to a grand word.
My life is full of grace. It is Sunday morning which has got to be my favorite morning of the week. There is a quality that is both poignant, and nostalgic. The light this morning is beautiful. The world outside must be asleep and so seems non-existent. Inside it’s me and Bodhi making breakfast while Meg sleeps too. I love this time with my littlest son. I get a chance to slow down to his rhythm, to not rush off anywhere, to have no agenda. We eat and then go play. I watch him closely to witness all that is shifting in him so quickly – he is standing, balancing on his own, creating little games, then moving on to another interest. There is this big sheepskin on the floor of his playroom that I lie on. We are listening to music (Explosions in The Sky – The Earth is Not a Cold Dark Place*) which Bodhi will often start bobbing to then go back to playing. As I lie there watching him experiencing life he lifts a small ball in his hands and offers it to me. I find myself flashing on a memory from long ago.
It is the end of summer 1980. My good friend Val and I have just finished our “Knights Without Armor” training in Boulder Colorado at the Blue Poppy Chi Kung Association run by Bob Flaws. We had spent the summer learning how to stand in low horse for an hour without moving by the Boulder Creek. We learned all about acupuncture points and Tai Chi Ruler, and Taoism and Buddhism. We drank beer and danced wildly into the early morning hours, then went to the 24 hour diner and ate breakfast. We rarely slept. We walked the mall in bare feet Val with his Bo or staff, me with my wooden sword. We would spar for no reason at a moments notice. We lived like kings without a country to rule. We perfected our art, let our hair go wild, grew strong and meditated like statues. We lived on Chi Gung exercises, faith and Dots Diner burritos. It was a summer I’ll never forget. In early September we left to hitchhike to Portland Oregon to visit a girlfriend of mine who over the summer shacked up with another man. Like samurai on a mission we left Boulder on a blazing hot Sunday.
Our first ride drove us all the way to Cheyenne and the junction of I-25 and I-80. I remember thinking how unusually hot it was for September with the sky a perfect deep blue, not a cloud in sight. Slightly parched and a bit hungry we walked down the ramp to get onto I-80 westbound. I looked down and saw a piece of fruit in the dirt on the shoulder of the ramp. I bent down to pick it up. It was a peach. I looked at Val, then at the peach. It was cool in my hands and felt perfectly ripe and totally un-bruised. I looked around at the sage and open land surrounding us. No peach trees, no fruit stands, nothing. I looked at Val again. We both smiled. I took a bite and handed it to Val. We shared the most delicious peach I have ever tasted and to this day 28 years later have not tasted another peach so juicy and sweet. Our story at the time was that the 18 Lohan, who look after warriors with integrity, had left it there for us as a sign of their approval.
My story now is that was Grace.
I start to remember all those moments in my life that had that feeling of Grace to them. At the time I may have called them heartbreak, failure, tragedy, longing, loneliness, struggle, surrender, searching. Now I see it all as just plain Grace. Like Bodhi learning to first crawl, then stand in balance, then walk, and finally run I see the beauty and grace in the moments of learning and progression from birth to death as one magnificent tapestry woven from one strand without end.
Grace.
In so much love.
J
Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad
By Jamie Gilroy
- Friday, April 11th, 2008
(The Story of How I Play With Drama Daily)
Ok maybe this is unrelated to what I’m writing about today but I gotta get it out! Michael Johns getting voted off Idol? You gotta be kidding me! That kid had some pipes. He was a rocker and seemed cut out to sing for a living. I figured it would come down to David Cook and him. I’m mildly disgusted that Kristy is so obviously milking the Christian vote. (I love Christians don’t get me wrong, I just don’t believe in milking them). Anyway.
For those of you who don’t really know me let me briefly introduce myself. I have spent most of my life seeking happiness. Wandering through a maze of beliefs, techniques, experiments, and with some plain old pure dumb luck I have found myself in a pretty awesome state of happiness. Without getting sidetracked about what the hell that means let’s just assume it means I’m happy most of the time. Except when I’m not.
One key component to my happiness (and one of my definitions of happiness) is the absence of drama. After so many years of creating internal drama with myself I learned how not to (#1). After so many years of creating drama with my significant others I learned how not to (#2). (If you would like to know how that happened I can tell you - email me). I want my entire life to be a reflection of how I’m feeling inside. That means I’d like to feel good as much as possible (no I am not Hedonist, I don’t think…). It really becomes fairly simple when we no longer choose drama as a way of life. So let me recap: I am happy inside and don’t create internal drama anymore. My relationship with Meghan and Nick is free of drama. (Bodhi however can still get me frustrated occasionally when I’m in the middle of an especially poopy diaper change and he starts twisting like a baby crocodile - but I don’t count that as serious drama). So what’s the problem you ask?
Well I have another life (#3). Yup, I’m leading a double life here - don’t tell me. My lovely drama free life ends the minute I leave the house and get into my truck. Mr. Happy becomes Joe Contractor. Now if any of you dear readers have ever hired a contractor to work on your house then you almost certainly have a story of some dramatic (maybe life altering) event because of the contractors ineptitude. Here are some classic examples:
- the company you hired fell off the planet for months on end, never to be seen after the demo of your perfectly good home
- someone hit a pipe with a nail installing trim. It doesn’t start leaking for 6 months
- the project took 2 years (supposed to be 3 months)
- the project cost 3 times what it was supposed to
- the plumbing subcontractors somehow put the clients Monet in the van too
- one of the carpenters is having sex with the clients underage daughter
- counting the entire roofing crew of 10, you might be able to assemble a full set of teeth
- the general contractor is only around to collect money, usually at 9:45pm on a Sunday
You get the picture. I could blog about the horrors of home renovation until I’m blogged and blue in the face. My point is the minute I leave home I encounter drama. Actually it’s more like this - D R A M A!!!! It can’t be helped. I try my best to avoid it, steer clear of it, or even run from it. The problem is I can’t. I can (as the old adage advises) run but not hide. Each time I encounter the drama I go back inside myself and see how invested I get with it and why it affects me so much. Is it the money I’m owed? Is it the need for acceptance, the need to be liked? Is it an old story of failure lurking in the shadows? Or is it just the fact of dealing with a world at large that loves drama? What can I do to play in this gladiator arena but not get eaten? These are my daily challenges when I’m not in the relative safety of my office blogging away blissfully or at home with Meg & Bodhi. I have gotten much better at not being so hooked by all of the issues that I face each day. I strive to communicate better. I attempt to do what I say I’ll do. I try to orchestrate and execute my projects so they promote good feelings. I try to minimize the impact on my clients home. I try to bring all my happiness to the projects I do and sometimes it’s like pissing in the wind. And you know the best part about that? Instead of blaming the wind I just turn around and piss with it. You know, I really want to be happy all of the time. What’s so wrong with that? Are my clients or the world “out there” responsible for my happiness? No, but I often think I’m responsible for theirs and in many ways I am. Do the job right, on time, for what we agreed it would cost. That’s easy no? Not always. If they want to keep playing with drama who am I to stop them? Maybe that’s just the way it is. And maybe just maybe I’ll get 3 out of 3 one of these days.
For now, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. I’m working on it. Hey, anyone need a house renovated?
In Love, Light, and sawdust.
J
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